One stay at home moms journey to find herself again

Monday, July 28, 2014

Being a Stay at Home Mom Isn't Fun Sometimes.

There are some days when I'm rock star stay at home mom.  Then there are some days when I want to run out my front door screaming...heck, I wouldn't even have to scream. Can I just run away?!?!  Today is one of those days.   It is 7:46pm. I have one in bed and two still up. Disobeying.

Today started wonderfully. I had some peace this morning..coffee in... even got the kitchen cleaned up and refrigerator cleaned and scrubbed out.  Then it all went downhill...

Ya see.. 3 days ago my otherwise amazing husband gave our 2 year old fiber powder in a drink.. well.. it worked.  It worked to the point where my 2 year old now has the mother of all rashes due to the affects of said fiber powder.  So today has been a cycle of change diaper/ medicine/scream/run from mom/change diaper/medicine/scream/run from mom/high pitched wailing/ changing of diaper/bath/screaming/medicine/screaming/more screaming/diaper.  Let's also add into the equation that he can't talk so before the rash got really bad and red this evening I didn't even know what was wrong... Had he been able to tell me what hurt I could have started meds sooner.  But that didn't happen. So now I'm paying for that.

It's also consisted of two little girls who have apparently forgotten how to obey/what to obey/when to obey/and WHY they should obey and have challenged absolutely everything I have said today.  They've also torn apart their rooms.. Their curtains are down.. the closet is torn apart.. The lights on their beds have been ripped off and are dangling.. .I didn't get  a chance to fix those yet either.

It's consisted of running out of dish soap and between diapers and disobeying girls a trip to the store to get more hasn't happened.  Heck, I haven't even showered or gotten dressed yet today.

It's consisted of a husband who left at 5:30am and won't be home until 9:30pm..or it could be later.  So the dishes in my sink will probably have to sit there until tomorrow whenever I get myself and three kids to the store because me going to the store at 9:30-10pm when my husband gets home just isn't going to happen.

It's consisted of cracker crumbs and popcorn kernels mashed into the carpet..that I had to clean up in the midst of all this.

It's consisted of my 7 year, God Bless her, trying to be helpful and getting her brother crackers while he was having a screaming fit..Normally she does so well at doing such a task.  Today...............  Today my counter is covered in broken crackers.  The kitchen floor is covered in mashed crackers because the crackers fell and broke all over the place while she was getting them.   And this was after she had cleaned them up. So now the mess is waiting on me.

It is now 8pm... I still have two up... and the 2 year old has now decided to wage a nighttime bed battle. Because, ya see, I did need this to happen tonight of all nights.

I'd love a shower.  At this rate that won't be happening.  I'd love to walk outside for 5 minutes for some air but at this point, I don't know that I trust the little people in this house enough to do that.

I'm close to tears.  Dangerously close. But I know if I cry then bedtime will be delayed even longer.

I'd like to have my husband home to help me clean up these cracker crumbs, to run and get me soap, to give me a reprieve so I can go outside for 5 minutes.

I have laundry in the washer... wet.  I have laundry in the dryer...wrinkling... I have clean laundry in the basket..wrinkling.. oh yah..and the hampers are full because I had just started laundry when everything went crazy.


Today... Being a stay at home mom isn't much fun.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Update on Wesley The BIG TWO!!

Hey all!  It's July!!  July is Cleft and Craniofacial Awareness and Prevention Month!!! YAY for our month!! "Our" color is PURPLE!! I so want to get one of those purple ribbons for my car!  I love advocating for my son!!   I thought I would take a moment to update quickly on Wesley.  There are some things that have been going on and I not only want to inform and educate everyone but also use this as a diary of sorts for our boy to read one day.

Wesley turned 2 a couple months ago! He is ornery, BUSY, fun, silly, and FEISTY!   He LOOVES his mama and will stop what he's doing to come over and give me a hug or a kiss. I love it!  Love my boy so so so much!! I am so so thankful God gave Wesley to ME!! I'd be so stinking jealous if He had given him to another mommy!!

Wesley has major speech delays.   Honestly.. There hasn't been much progress in the last year.  He says one word sentences. He signs.  And he makes "Sounds"  As his mother I can articulate and understand his sounds but others cannot.   His main words are "mama"  "dada" (Gaga), "Cracker" "Yuck" "ma" (For grandma) and "papa"  That is about to extent of it.  He does have many other sounds and signs he uses so is somewhat able to communicate.   We are at a standstill.  We aren't sure why he isn't progressing.   His Speech therapist doesn't know and we don't know.   It breaks my heart.  The thought has been thrown around that he may have some sort of nerve damage but we just aren't sure. He's in speech therapy once a week.  He loves his Jo!!

We have a few different avenues we are going to try here in the next few months.  We are going to look into a more in dept hearing test just to rule out any hearing issues.  He's had standard tests done but I feel like we should look deeper into that.  Also, new tubes will probably be happening in the next few months.  The ones he has in now have been in for just about 2 years now, which is a really long time for tubes.
We are also going to look into possibly starting private speech therapy along with the therapy he is already getting.

Other than that we just don't know what is going on.  It's heartbreaking as a mother.  There were a few days when all I could do was cry. I felt helpless. I felt scared. I felt like I was doing something wrong. What was I not getting!?   We cannot give up though.   Cognitively he's above average for his age.  He's such a smart little boy. He understands exactly what we say and what we mean.

Socially... we are working on it.  He has bad anxiety and doesn't like new people. It's tiring as a mom.  I can see that he is slowly -mayyybe- coming out of that.  I'm seeing some glimmer of hope that he may be trying to break through that.  I really hope so.   We don't have babysitters, besides our parents, he doesn't do any other form of daycare as he would just scream and melt all over the place...that is if I could pry him off of me long enough to leave.

I thank God every day for my boy.  For everything he has taught me in the last 2 years.  For how he's helped me grow into the mother I am.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day!!  May we never forget why we celebrate this holiday! May we never forget why a sacrifice was made.

I spent 8 years as a Military wife.  That is my home. My family.     I know many who lost their lives in the war and many who were deeply changed in some way.  Let us never forget the sacrifices that were made.

I went through 3 year long deployments.  Each one I lived in fear every day that I would get a knock on my door. Losing my husband seemed like more than I could handle.

I spent every night for 3 years making sure my house was clean before I went to bed in case I got awoken by a knock on the door, I wanted my house presentable.   I spent every day for 3 years praying for my husband. Praying for his friends. His safety. I was incredibly blessed to get my husband back whole.  
When a Military wife loses her husband at war, we all grieve. I spent many days grieving for other soldiers. I can't begin to understand how they felt but I can imagine and I grieved with them. For them, because all too easily it could have been my husband.   I think I can safely say that losing your spouse at war is one of the hardest, saddest things one could go through.

Never Forget.  These men and women laid down their lives for our freedom.  For our country.  It has nothing to do with your political affiliation, our President, or whether you agree with war or not.  These are real men, Real women, who died serving this country. They died for YOU. For ME. So that we could have the freedoms we do.


Happy Memorial Day!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Month Long Celebration

Happy MAY!  I love May. May is one of my favorite months, always has been; Now that it's my little boys birthday month I love it even more.  May also houses Cleft Awareness Week. Which is May 11-18th.   




They say Cleft lip and palates are one of the most common birth defects.  I don't believe that. For them being so "common" nobody knows much about it, which is why I will preach until the cows come home.  I remember being a scared mother, whose son was just born with a cleft lip and palate and we had no prior clue. I was so lost.  It seemed almost every nurse I had contact with was also lost. I had one, amazing, nurse who I will NEVER ever forget, Ms. Norma, She advocated for us and helped us. She was amazing!!  Over the past 2 years I have met many people in the medical profession and even in daily life who have no clue why my son looks different or what a cleft even is.  That's not very "Common" now is it.

First, I'd like to share some statistics about cleft lip and Palates.. I'll site my  resources at the end. 


~clefts occur in approximately 1 in 700 babies yearly! 

~ It occurs twice as often in males as it does in females.
Approximately 30 percent of cleft deformities are associated with a syndrome, so a thorough medical evaluation and genetic counseling is recommended for cleft patients
Multiple surgeries and long-term follow-up are often necessary

~ There are many long-term complications with clefts, as in Breathing, Feeding, Ear infections and hearing loss, Speech and language delays, and dental problems.


(  You can find the source of all my facts here and here )



There are two kinds of clefts, Unilateral (One side) and Bilateral (affecting both sides of the lip).  Our son has a Unilateral cleft lip and palate.

Some clefts can be diagnosed by routine ultrasound, others, like ours, is a complete surprise.   I'm not sure why.  To this day I don't know why it happened. I have my suspicions, but I have no concrete knowledge, and I may never, which is something I will have to learn to be okay with.    Before I knew I was pregnant I was given a medicine, that medicine is known to be harmful if you are pregnant and can cause cleft and craniofacial abnormalities.   Turns out I was pregnant, though, while I was taking that medicine.  I'm not 100% positive that caused Wesleys cleft.  It may have been just a 1 in 1,000 chance. A random happening.

Clefts are not a "one fix wonder"  It's not a simple "couple surgeries and he's a normal boy" like we were told and many believe.  Wesley, at 2 years old, has had 3 surgeries, not counting ear tubes.  He has at MINIMUM 1-3 more but it could be even more than that as the years go on. It all depends on his mouth, situation, and how his body heals. Along with surgeries he has major speech issues, ear infections, and possible hearing loss due to the constant ear infections.  We spent the first year of his life battling ear infections constantly.  When I say 'constant' I mean, we would get over one infection, be okay for a few days and then another would flare up.  I remember feeling so helpless and stressed because there was nothing I could do to stop it.  He will have dental issues. Orthodontics, bone grafts, teeth extractions, palate widening.. many many more procedures.    He had his palate surgery (To close the palate) and his palate cleft was so wide that they couldn't fully close it and he -still- has a hole in the roof of his mouth that will remain until he is 6-8 years old.  Along with medical care he also has extreme anxiety. He doesn't tolerate anyone but a select few. I can't leave him. I can't put him in a daycare or a babysitter. If "the chosen ones" can't babysit, my husband and I don't go out.   It's been since January since my husband and I have been alone together. Our "Chosen ones" as I call them, have lives and are busy. It's not as easy as hiring the bored teenager down the street.  Hopefully here soon we will be starting therapies to help ease that for him but for now, we wait.   He sees a therapist once a week for speech.   It's not a "one fix and he's fine" situation like many believe.  It's a LIFE.


This year for Wesley's birthday  I asked everyone in Lieu of gifts to donate to a wonderful program called CleftAdvocate.  You can read about them and their mission Here.   They have been a source of amazing support and encouragement in the last 2 years to us and I want to give back to them!  They are an amazing community of people ready and willing to help, support, and advocate for families dealing with cleft and craniofacial issues.

They have not only been there to support us in those very scary first few days of Wesley's life but they have helped provide us with tips on feeding, tips on surgery and recovery.  They have been there to say "I understand" when there was a bad day.   They have made the past two years not as lonely for us.  It's a very lonely life. I don't know anyone near us who has a cleft lip and palate. It's one of those things you don't really understand unless you have lived it.  I don't have a neighbor down the street who has a sister who had a cleft lip. I don't have a relative who knew someone.  I have these people, most I don't know and have never met personally, to help me find my way.  To help me provide my son with amazing care. To tell me to ask Doctors questions that I wouldn't think to ask.  To suggest procedures that will enhance his life.  I get to see pictures of all their beautiful babies and realize I'm not alone!!!   I felt so helpless, so lost, so alone, after Wesley was born.  I didn't know what to do. What to ask or how to ask it.

We don't view Wesley's birthday as 'Please bring us gifts"... We view it as "Come CELEBRATE with us!, come watch what we've accomplished!!!"   My son doesn't need "stuff"  His heart will not be broken if he doesn't have 45 trains.  What he -does- need is this amazing community around to continue supporting us and even -him- as he gets old enough to access the internet.   Teenagers who have Clefts need support. You remember being a teenager! It's difficult. People are MEAN.  I want my son to have access to people who support him regardless, Who understand what he's going through like nobody ever will.  


Wesley is 2.  He won't remember oodles of gifts for his birthday.  I'm not being a "mean mommy".   I'm not being a "stick in the mud".  I'm being a mother that is saying no more STUFF and let's focus on what MATTERS, which is celebrating what we have accomplished the past two years!  I know this puts people outside their comfort zones, what? no gifts?!, but I'm asking you take a step outside of that comfort zone and let's do something awesome for an amazing group!
I've asked our family and friends and I will ask my bloggies.. Would you consider donating to this amazing program?  Even $5-10 helps greatly!  I gain NOTHING from this. Not one penny.   I have not been asked by Ameriface or CleftAdvoate to promote them or give to them. I am doing this because I WANT to. I LOVE the community and people and want your help to give back to them! Anything you give is tax-deductible.   They have been there for us, supported us, helped us gain information and knowledge and honestly, I would have been lost without them! If I could donate $4,000 myself, I would. But I cannot so I am asking you all, Would you consider donating, even $5, as a gift to Wesley and a gift to us to help them continue their work. 

You can find more information about CleftAdvocate and Ameriface right here and for those that wish to donate you can go here.  For those friends and family near by I also have donation envelopes.

Thank you all so much for your support of us and our son the past two years.  It means more than you will ever know!!  If you are interested in reading Wesleys Birth Story you can check that out here.  




Friday, April 25, 2014

Storms

I may come across as a little storm crazy.. let me explain why.  Last year there was a fairly big storm and tornado in a town an hour from us.  We were traveling to that town not knowing about any inclement weather.  I checked radar before we left and there was nothing to indicate anything that would stop us from traveling.  We got a lot of flack for being out in that storm with our kids. It hurt my feelings, made me feel like a bad mom for not protecting my kids....  Here's the bottom line.  Nobody TOLD us there was a storm -that severe-. Nobody told us there was a threat of tornado or that conditions were even tornado-like.    The storm popped up within the hour of us driving there. Those at home watching news knew -way- more than we, who were driving in the car.. Sure we had the radio on and knew there was a storm but we were only hearing sporadic weather updates. And we weren't hearing anything that made us think "This may turn into a tornado"   So we continued with our plans.  We were accused of not planning.  We planned all we could but there's also only so much I can do in a vehicle traveling.

We came really really close to being in the midst of that tornado in our vehicle. It was scary. Our kids were scared.  Was it pretty cool.. yes!! (I've always been a storm junkie)  But not at the expense that our kids were out in it!!   What do I wish?  I wish someone would have told us!! People knew we were heading into the area, it wasn't like it was a secret.  But with my 3 kids with me, I expected someone to say "hey listen... this very well could produce a tornado" and that never happened.   It was a complicated, scary storm.

Now..because of our experience last year I am prepared THIS year.  I am taking more precautions. I am making plans a day in advance. I have a place to go because our house doesn't have a basement. If I shouldn't be able to make it to our "safe place" I have a plan for how to keep us safe here. What furniture to move to block us into the hall, what mattresses to grab, etc.    I plan to gather phone chargers, blankets, meds, diapers, etc and have that in the car so we can leave at a moments notice should there look like there  will be the threat of a tornado.   My kids' lives are too precious! Make fun, call me crazy, but I would rather be "crazy" and safe rather than sorry and considering we have no proper shelter here, I have to start early.

If you live in an area that get's tornadoes it's always good to have a kit ready and in the car for when/if you need to leave.  I'm putting a link Here of items to prepare.   Stay safe this weekend Kansans!!!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A Letter To My Daughters And Every Other Little Girl Out There

A Letter To My Daughters... And Every Other Girl Out There:

1. You are beautiful! Nobody can take that from you! You are special and beautiful all on your own! You don't need make-up, You don't need jewelry, You don't need to show your body. I won't give you the speech about "God doesn't want you to show your body, Your body is a temple" While that is true, I want to get real:  Showing your body attracts men. Nobody argues that. Here's the punch line; The men you attract while you show off your body are not the men you should be attracting. The men you attract by showing your body, will not be there once your body changes...and it will. Trust me.  I met my husband while wearing a horribly unflattering maroon apron, my hair probably in a messy ponytail and wearing a number of unidentifiable food splatters on that wonderful maroon apron. To this day he says that sight took his breath away.  I can guarantee older women are looking at you thinking "Oh dear... she doesn't get it"   Maybe it's something that everyone has to go through, the revealing clothes stage, to realize "I don't need this!"  " I don't need to wear this to be beautiful. I don't need to wear this to feel valuable."  We all see the people posting the selfies with the boobies hangin out... We see it. We know what you are doing.  It's desperate. It's not tasteful. It makes you look slutty. Slutty isn't something to be proud of. So, woman to woman, Adult to tweenager, stop it. Just stop.

2. Stand up for yourself.  Don't let anyone push you around. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something.  You can do anything you set your mind to.

3. Learn that you don't need a man.  Be self sufficient. Don't be with a guy because you feel you need to be.  Don't be with a guy to make you feel good.  Men are human, Men let us down.  They hurt us.  When you put your whole being into a man and he hurts you, you'll crumble.  Don't let yourself crumble!  This is not said to emasculate men and I can hear the chorus now "You need to show your man you need him!!!"  Yes! You do!!  But don't have him be your whole being!   I am not with my husband because I -need- him. I am with him because I -want- him.  I don't rely on him for complete emotional health. I don't rely on him to support me, while that is the role he is taking now, there will be times in the future where I may be pulling the weight in regards to income.  I'm with  him because I want to be. Not because I have to be.

4. Learn to change the oil. Not just the oil but learn to change a tire and learn to run a lawn mower. Learn to fix a sink (Yes I know how to fix sink pipes!).  Learn to do "man jobs"   Not because I was an Army wife... Not because I'm a feminist  (sayy wwwhhhhhatt?)  I know how to do all that because I may need the knowledge. What if I'm at home and a pipe under the sink bursts and my husband is at work. Do I call him? Honey come home!!!! In his line of work that isn't going to happen.  Do I run around to neighbors until I find one to help me?!   I could just fix it. Chances are I can have the water off and pipe fixed, or at the very least, mended and not spewing water all over my floor,  before I could find help.  It's not being a feminist. It's not to emasculate my husband. It's practical!!!

5. Learn to manage money.  Money makes the world go 'round.  Learn how to use it..smartly.

6. Find a man who treats you right. Who is respectful and kind and has the same values as you.  Who doesn't belittle or hit you.  Who treats you as a woman and not a "thing".  Don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you right just because you think all the good men are gone. They aren't.  Maybe if you can't find a good man, you aren't looking in the right spot. If all else fails, be okay with being alone!

7. Respect yourself. As a student, sister, mother, aunt.. whatever you are. Respect yourself. If you respect yourself, others will too!

8. What you put online comes back to haunt you. Facebook, twitter, Instagram... whatever you post comes back to you! Watch what you put on the internet. You never know who you may meet up with or interview with for a job, and what they will find online.  Employers can google.  They can find you on Facebook.   On another note, What you put on the internet can either hurt or help your husbands (Future husband) career. We, as women, hold such power. What we say and do can affect our men in their jobs.
Let's share a little story..completely made up.. Susie talks crap on her boyfriends boss on Facebook.  Susie is friends, unbeknownst to her, with her boyfriends' bosses' sister... Said sister knows this... This doesn't look good for Susie's boyfriend, huh?
Another Susie (different Susie, I'm just not creative enough to come up with another generic name) posts nakey boobie shots on Instagram... Susies Husband has a boss... Susies' husbands boss googles... Do we see what Boss Man now knows...
Bottom line:  What we do as wives or girlfriends can either put a positive light or a negative light on our husbands. You may not want to believe it, but what we do can either hurt or help our men. That's the power we have! The things we say or do, the way we act in public, they all come back to us. You may not realize it now but everybody knows everybody. It's a small world! Don't think you're anonymous just because you're on the internet. Shine a good light on your man.  They'll thank you!




Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Dear 17 Year Old Me

Dear 17 Year Old Me,

You are strong. Never forget that.  You'll get thrown hurdles. Those who you think are your friends, aren't. Those that you don't think are your friends will become the most influential and special people in your life.  Don't spend too much time on those you want to be friends with but treat you wrong.

Don't ever give up! Don't give up on you. Don't give up on your marriage.  It's worth it. Fight. Fight and Fight hard. It doesn't seem like it's worth it, but it is. It truly is!

You'll be thrown such hardships. The hardships you've dealt with thus far only prepare you for what's to come. They only make you stronger for what's to come.

 There will be a time when you look back  think "wow! That was worth it. I survived that"

Don't tolerate behavior from boys that you know is wrong, just so you don't upset someone or because you are afraid of losing someone or being alone.  Being alone is OKAY!

Stop living in such fear that people will leave you. Stop living in fear that one wrong move and they will leave. People are going to do what they want. You can't control what they do. You can only control you and be true to you!

Life isn't so black and white. There is so much grey. Embrace the grey.

Don't worry about pleasing everyone.  It won't happen. Do what makes you happy and forget those that don't agree.

You're going to have 3 amazing kids. Just like you wanted. The oldest is smart, funny, and she keeps you on your toes. She keeps you guessing. She's a firecracker, which is what you need.  Your middle child.. She will be attached to you from the moment she is born, It's amazing, but do make her fly on her own. She needs to learn to fly. Help her fly..gently. She's a peaceful soul.   Your youngest... He will teach you to fight. He will teach you to be an advocate. He will teach you that you can survive for 3 days on 2 hours of sleep.  He will teach you to fight even harder. To stand up for what you believe. He also, is the light of your life.  He's a miracle baby.

The boy you are with now... You'll marry.  It won't be roses or sunshine. In fact there will be less rose and less sunshine than you would ever believe. BUT.. stick with it.  Fight for what you want. It pays off and it pays off HUGE.  Those that don't believe you know what you are doing or you are with the wrong guy.  You aren't. You're right. Go with your gut.  It won't be easy but it's worth it.

Fight.... Don't ever stop! 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tuesday's 10

1. I'm really really tired of snow

2. And really really ready for spring

3. Do not mistake me being "just a stay at home mom" with lack of ambition or drive. I have plenty of both, I also know that these years with my babies are fleeting and all too soon they will be gone and flying on their own.

4. There's no way I could not have a job after my kids are in school all day. I would be bored stiff!

5. There aren't enough hours in the day.

6. Next year 2 out of 3 kids will be in school all day! How does that happen!??!

7. 2 1/2 years after that, they will all be in school all day.  oh my!

8. I really love my life. No matter how busy we are, how much the kids don't listen, despite everything, I LOVE My life and I am so blessed to live it

9.  This year is "The Year of the Decade"  10 years ago this Sept. Big Daddy and I had our first date.

10.  My Calendar saying this month is "No Whining. No Complaining. Absolutely no frowning.  Only smiles, hugs, and warm fuzzy feelings are allowed! Thank you!"  SO FITTING for this month..and it's only the 4th.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Ebbs and Flows

Life is so funny.  We can't expect life to be fabulous all the time. It's not realistic.  Life ebbs and flows and there are good times and bad times.  Times when you can't be happier.  Times when all goes your way and things look amazing. Your outlook on life is wonderful!

Then there are times when you are just tired.  Where it seems that at every corner there is something there to smack you around.  There are times when you spend weeks caring for sick people and then being sick yourself.  There are times when you get disheartening and sad news about a family member you love deeply.  Times when your special needs child gets -another- piece of medical equipment and while that equipment makes life easier, it helps him, and  it frees up at least 80 minutes of your day everyday, it also is -another- piece of equipment and -another- reminder that things are different and different sometimes makes you wanna cry.   Then it snows again and you slip and slide through town praying nobody hits your car because at this point you can't handle a car wreck.  And numerous other things that just make you feel like you are shoveling in a snow storm.

When push comes to shove what do you do?  You can't just quit. You can't just say "I'm done. I give up" because the sun rises again the next day.  So what do you do?

You cling to the little things. You hold it close to your heart when your oldest says "I Love you to infinity and beyond TWICE"   You savor the smell of your youngest child as he wraps his little arms around your neck to hug you.  You watch a completely girlie movie and eat chocolate cookies even though it is your exercise night you say forget it because cookies and girlie movies make you happy.   You cling to your husband as he holds you and lets you cry buckets of tears and cry that you cannot lose someone else you love dearly and you're thankful that your husband is actually here.

You take the day step by step, hour by hour, and know that this rough time can't possibly last forever.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Tuesday's 10

1. I love omelets! I could eat an omelet every morning and be happy.

2. I also love pizza.. and all things with marinara sauce

3. I basically love food.

4. Next year I will have both girls in all day school. That makes me kinda sad.  And kinda happy. It'll be me and lil man all day, everyday.

5. Cinnamon Vanilla Creamer... amazing

6. I got selected for Jury duty..first time ever..

7. We rented a Chrysler Town and Country while our vehicle got repaired.. I am in LOVE with it. It's totally decked out,  with the latest bells and whistles

8. No other van will ever compare.  I didn't think I would like it as much as I do but it's amazing. Beautiful and amazing!

9. I don't want to give it back today

10. Can someone buy me a $40,000 swoopy van? I'd be forever grateful!

Monday, February 24, 2014

What We Eat and Why We Eat It.

I've had a few people comment on our diet and how my kids eat pretty much anything so I wanted to go a bit into that today, how we got there, what we do, etc.

Some of my kids' favorite foods are shrimp, asparagus, salads, and quiche.  We can tear up a quiche and  a trip to our local grocers salad bar costs us $50 because everyone wants a yummy salad.   Don't get me wrong, my kids love chicken nuggets and french fries and such but my middle daughter asked for Lasagna and asparagus for her birthday dinner.  Those things, chicken nuggets, spaghetti-Os, are the exception, not the rule.

I love cooking and trying new foods, I love taking the foods we'd normally eat and making them healthier.  Black beans in place of pinto, Greek yogurt in place of sour cream, Mashed cauliflower instead of potatoes and most times nobody knows the difference.
 
We eat what I guess you could call "grown-up food" 6 nights a week probably.   We don't eat a lot of boxed foods, we don't eat a lot of frozen foods.  Breakfast consists of normally Oatmeal or a non-kiddy cereal. Sure there are times when I buy the Cocoa puffs and they go like Hot cakes, but I don't buy that often.  The other day  there was a sale on Pop-tarts plus I had a coupon so I picked some up for a treat, my middle daughter asked "mom, what are these?"  I told her they were Pop-tarts.  "What's a pop-tart?" "uhhmmmm.... It's like toast with jelly, only this kind has chocolate in it"  CHOCOLATE!! YUMMM she yelled.  They now love pop-tarts and every time we are at the store I get "Can We get pop-tarts" and I say....wait for it...wait for it... NO!  Yes, they pout, Yes, they say "ahh maaaann"  but I stick to my guns and in no time they have forgotten what it was that they wanted.   If your kids know they can push you into something they will try. And try. and try. and try.  And mine know that when I say "no" it means no and if they keep pushing there will be consequences.  They don't even dare throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store. I believe it happened once with one of our kids and the rest learned that was not a good idea.  It's because I'm consistent, in all areas of our life, but especially in food and what we buy.   If they have birthday money and want to spend that on Pop-tarts, they most certainly can, but most times a shiny new toy looks more appealing than Pop-tarts.  "If it's not on Mommy's list, we don't buy it, because mommy has the money" is their mantra.

It comes down to the fact that if I don't buy it, they can't eat it.  That's my rule with everything. If I don't want my kids eating lots of Boxed foods or sugary breakfast foods, why would I buy them?  If they are hungry enough they will eat the cheerios or fruit for a snack.  They wont' starve.  

We have a "No thank you bite" rule in our house.  If you encounter something you don't think you will like you must take a no thank you bite and 9 times out of 10 they say "Wow, that's not too bad" and then from then on out every time we have that food they must try it. That No thank you bite is not negotiable.  My oldest isn't a fan of asparagus but every time we have it she must eat at least 2 pieces and she complains and I ignore her and she eats them.

I also don't usually make separate meals.  There are times when Hubs and I eat later on after they are in bed so I make them canned ravioli or something but most times what we eat, they eat.   If they don't eat, they will be hungry.

My kids didn't start out liking quiche or shrimp but after eating it a few times they realized it isn't that bad and now they are asking for it by name.   I also don't say things like "You're a little girl! Little girls don't normally like asparagus" If I do that then they feel like they are weird.  Why would I discourage them eating food that is so healthy for them?

I encourage you to try new foods, start with one a week, and start letting your kids branch out.  I'm raising adults that will love trying new foods and developing their palate and who, I hope, will see how I love cooking for them and take that into their own lives as they grow up and have families.

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Big DR. Visit

I've been MIA for a bit this week. My boy got his with his first stomach bug.  boo!  Poor boy was so sick! He was sick all night and still couldn't hold anything down the next morning so I made the decision to take him in.  I, honestly, felt a little silly taking him in when he had only been sick for less than 12 hours but my mommy gut told me to... so in we went.  Turns out little boy was very sick.  We had to run a couple tests to check for a bowl obstruction and came very very close to being admitted to the hospital.  He was fairly dehydrated..yes, after less than 8 hours he was to the point of  dehydration that he needed to be admitted.

After 4 hospital stays already in his short life, another one just made me want to hide in bed and cry.  Thankfully the tests we had to run came back negative, whew, barely escaped another surgery,  so we were given the choice to try meds at home for dehydration with the stipulation that if things weren't better we would admit ourselves that night or to be on the safe side and be admitted.  I'll say, I leaned towards just being admitted because last time I dealt with a sickie that got dehydrated the anti-nausea meds didn't work. I figured I could just save myself a day and let's just be admitted and honestly if hubs weren't there I would have taken that choice.  Hubs wanted to try it at home and considering I have 2 other kids to care for too we went ahead and got the meds and headed home.   He's getting better, still not eating normally yet, but is drinking so we're running with that.

I am so thankful to have a Doctor that trusts me as a mom so that I can be given the option of going home to try the meds there!  I am so thankful that our Dr. is willing to run tests and make sure he is okay. A Dr. that is honest and lays it all out there for me.

Listen to that mommy gut! I started out feeling silly for taking him in for something as minor as a little bit of throw up, but my kids normal is not your kids normal.  Things that yours can recover quickly from and rebound, take mine a bit longer.

Listen to your instincts, mama!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Freedom With Money

Our goal at the beginning of the year was to get out of debt. Completely, once and for all. We have dreams for our family. Houses, College for our kids, Giving to others.

Military to Civilian change, job changes, moves, a son with special needs all derailed us, financially.  We started using bits and pieces of Dave Ramsey's system.   We used a Dave Ramsey budget format to track where our money is going. We have started using the Debt Snowball.  You can read more about that here.

Another big change we are doing is using the Envelope System. Check that out here.  I love, love, love, the envelope system! I really didn't figure I would like it.  I even doubted it would work and I definitely didn't realize the freedom it gives me!! Imagine that! A system of assigning and budgeting and making money go in a certain place is actually freeing instead of spending willy nilly on whatever I wanted and then having "OOPS" moments when we run out of money before the month is over!!!  I now don't have to feel guilty about saying "Let's go out for ice-cream" Because I have money set in our "Entertainment" envelope.  I don't have to stress or worry about "Oh the kids need new jeans! Where's that money going to come from?" because I already have money stashed away in the "clothing" envelope.

 I looked at our budget and decided 10-15 things that were important to us as a family. Like Christmas money and  yearly car registration and school supplies.  Doesn't everyone cringe every year in August when you have to pay those school dues and buy all those supplies?  I don't! Because in August I will have enough saved up to not have to worry at all about where it's going to come from. I'm going to have 2 kids in all day school this next year, I need all the help I can get!   We are starting to sloowwwllyyy build an Emergency Fund.  It's tough some months. We don't always have a lot to stash away so we just pray we don't need those funds soon.   We are able to give like never before!!  Thank you gifts. We are able to do surprise dates and give to each other, as husband and wife,  Taking my family out to lunch to thank them for all their help the past year! We are able to do all that stuff now because we have a plan!

Another big step we made about 18 months ago was to not use credit cards. In fact, I don't even know where one of our cards is, even.  One is stashed in a hiding spot and the other... yaa I'm not sure where it's at. I know it's in the house somewhere. We do not keep them on us. It's too tempting to use.  If we needed or wanted something and we were out of money until payday, we waited.   We don't buy things unless we have the money in our hands!  Things change. Situations change. I can't go out and spend money on something when I don't actually possess the cash.  It's just not smart!

We encountered a situation a few days ago where we needed to get a rental vehicle due to ours needing to be in the shop.  They wanted us to use a credit card.  I refused.  I specifically had money set aside in our checking account to pay for it. I didn't want to add onto our credit card (ok..and I couldn't find it, haha) but honestly, it was more because of the fact we made a commitment to not use a credit card!  Just to pay with my debit card..which had the money... I had to provide them with utility bills, drivers licenses, account numbers, and all kinds of nonsense. Just to pay them with the cash I had in my account!  I get it, it's hard. Not everyone has that cash stocked away... Neither did we!!! We've waited almost a year to get our car fixed until we did!  We waited almost a year to get our vehicle fixed so that we could save up the money instead of just putting it on a credit card. I drove around for almost a year with a cracked windshield and dents all over my vehicle due to hail.  It's a commitment!

This is part of how we survive on one income.  It's not always easy. We mess up. We don't always get what we want when we want it but the pay offs for following this plan and the payoffs for sticking to it are HUGE!

Some months are easier.  Some we struggle a bit more but it's a commitment we've made. To live better. To set an example for our kids.

The freedom is amazing!  Being on a cash only basis is amazing! We've bought our kids bunk beds. Cash. We've paid off a credit card. Cash.  We've payed off Hubs truck. Cash.  I bought myself a fun Kindle Fire. Cash.  We've bought a new bed for Hubs and I. Cash!   It's an amazing feeling!

If you'd like more information on Dave Ramsey's system you can check it out here!

If it seems overwhelming and you don't know where to start, my suggestion, Just start.  Sit down, pour through your bills, see what you can cut or change and make a plan!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Challenge

In 2010-2011 I lost almost 50lbs.  Not by any fad diet or any new pill. It was from blood, sweat, and tears. Pushing myself until I couldn't walk. Watching what I ate.  Going to the gym at least an hour a day. Every day.  I worked my butt off, literally.  I felt amazing. I was in the best shape of my life.  I had tons of energy. I felt great about myself. My stress was minimal. All this during a time when my husband was deployed so I was 100% everything, 100% of the time and we were having marital issues. Exercise saved me!

Then I got pregnant and I gained some of it back.  Then I had Wesley and while he was the most amazing blessing -ever-, it's very stressful dealing with a special needs child. I didn't have the freedom to continue my work outs.  So I gained a bit more back.  We were gifted a gym membership and I started losing again, feeling great.  Then we moved.  I had to give up my membership. I left my amazing friends that I had made. I left my work out buddy.  We had built a beautiful little life in 6 months and I had to leave that for a life that is also beautiful and amazing and I have no doubt we are here for a reason but way way more stressful.  Instead of my husband being gone 8-4:30, He works 12-16 hours a day.  Then Palate surgery happened.  Then Wesley was handed the worst case of separation anxiety and that is still going on.. Me leaving him with someone besides my husband, myself, or my mom.. Not happening.  Joining a gym is out of the question. I would no sooner get to the treadmill and I'd have to go back and pick him up from gym daycare..  This is so frustrating to me as a mom but at this point I'm not sure what to do.   Going to the gym regularly is out of the question. My husband is always gone, I can't ask my mom to watch all 3 of my kids for 2 hours a day just to go to the gym.  I can't put that type of burden her. So here I sit. I've gained back almost all of the weight. I'm not happy.  I feel trapped. I'm stressed. I'm tired all the time.   And frankly, they are all excuses.  I believe there is more than one way to accomplish a goal. Sure, maybe I won't ever get into a gym (I LOOVE gyms) until Wesley goes to Kindergarten. Who knows. But at this point in his life my son went through a huge surgery and he now has a horrible case of separation anxiety and I don't know what to do about it. This isn't your run of the mill separation anxiety.  So I don't have any 'run of the mill' ways out.  I've been depressed. Depressed that I just made amazing friends and had to move an hour away.  Depressed that I just got adjusted to a life and then had to change again.  Depressed that I have had to be super mom to keep everything going lately.  Depressed that I feel stuck and it's time to change that.

I know what my body needs. I know my body well enough to listen to it and know.  This isn't about looking good. Wearing a size 2, or having the most toned thighs.  This is about me.  I need to be me again.  Excuses don't get me there. Excuses get me deeper.  Excuses don't boost my mood.  Excuses don't make me feel better about myself.  Excuses suck.

So here's what I need from you bloggy readers. My beautiful amazing bloggy readers.  I have 2 Jillian Michaels DVD's. I know, it's corny. It really is but it's all I know to do right now. Gym daycares are out of the question. I have no solid, consistent, daily help. Heck, I don't even have much free time.   So, here's what I am going to do, Every evening I am going to workout to one of those DVD's (Geesh...just saying it sounds so corny) One is a 30 minute shred and the other is 6 week 6 pack.  And by the time I do both to completion it won't even be swimsuit season yet and I'll be shredded and 6 packed!  So I need you bloggys to hold me to it! Ask me how I am doing. Ask me if I've done it yet tonight.  The DVD's take no longer than 40 minutes to do. I spend longer than that deciding on what snack to eat nightly.  There should be no reason for me to not do it!

This is not about losing weight, necessarily.  It's not about being super super thin. It's for my peace of mind.

So, here we go! Hold me to this!!! Ready! Set! GO!


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why We Choose Public School

There's been a lot of talk lately about public vs. Private vs. home school.  Which is better, which is worse, which will scar your children the most. When push comes to shove  we can only make the best decisions for our family.  The best decisions for our children.  I'm not saying your way is perfect. I am not saying my way is perfect.  Life ebbs and flows.  Life changes. Decisions change. People change.  Your children are not my children. Mine are not yours. Circumstances change.  Life is not black and white.  There is so much grey.

I personally had the experiences of public school and Home school.  I was in public school until I was in 9th grade then from 9-12th I was home schooled. It worked well for me.  I had the experience of public school, which I think is a great experience. Then I had the experience of home school which allowed me to study certain topics that specifically interested me, I was able to get a part time job, I was able to travel with my family and learn things that way.  I couldn't be more pleased with how things turned out.

As a family, we choose public school right now.   We choose public school from now until the unforeseen future. We do have plans to change districts at a certain time for our kids' sake.  Now, will that change; possibly.   It may.  It may not.  It's not something we are up late worrying about.  When and if the time comes we will address it at that point.    At this point in my life I am not a home school mom.  *GASP* She said it!!  I'm not.  I'm a big enough person to say that I am a BETTER mom when I have time AWAY from my kids! *GASP* I can't believe she said that!   Well, it's true! I am!   I will ALWAYS be my kids' mom. I will ALWAYS parent my kids, but I am also a better mom when I have some time to myself. To delve into my hobbies and interests. Sure one can balance those with homeschooling but for me, in my life, I don't feel that I can do that right now. My husband doesn't work a normal 9-5, weekends off job. I carry a lot of the household duties and child care duties. I don't have the luxury to go off  2-3 nights a week for "me" time.  Heck, I can't even find consistent time without children to go to the gym.  I don't even have a solid block of time daily where everyone is asleep or having 'quiet time'  I am literally mom from 6:30am until nearly 8pm. Constant mom. I need down time and school affords me that.  It's what works for us.  Now, that's not the sole reason we choose public school right now.

We choose public school because our children -are- exposed to things.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tossing a baggie of weed to my 1st grader and saying "here try this!"  nor am I condoning it.   There are certain things I want my children to be exposed to.  Cultures/beliefs/ ideas/people and then those things are brought home and it is then my job as a parent to explain the behavior or choices and guide them to learn what is acceptable in our house and what isn't.   It's my job to teach my kids what -we- believe.  They come home and we discuss it.  We discuss what was seen/heard.  We talk about how that lines up with what we believe, and let me tell you, My oldest is only in 1st grade but she is on point. She knows behaviors that are not allowed of her, whether she is at school, the park, or home,  Words not allowed. Actions not allowed. She knows. And it's my job as a mom to reinforce that and let that grow inside of her.

We had an instance with my 6 year old where she had seen or heard something at school, can't remember which, and it was bugging her but she didn't want to tell me for fear she would be in trouble.  What an amazing learning opportunity. I got to sit down with her and talk to her and explain to her that she will never ever, ever, be in trouble for asking a question. -Any- questions are ok to ask because that is my job to be here to teach her and grow her and share experiences with her. I'm not the type of mom that says 'ohh that's bad. We don't ask questions like that"  I believe, at her age, it's all honest curiosity and if I don't address that and explain to her about it and tell her "ehhh that's not a good thing to say/do/think"  she will take it upon herself to learn.

At some point in my childs life they will have to fly.   They will have to fly away and know how to deal with people from many walks of life.  They need to be able to relate and be friends with people from many cultures and places.  The thing I love most about my husband is that he is able to be friends and understand -anyone-  He grew up in the ghettos of Tucson. He saw drug deals. He's been in the Army, in many states where he's dealt with people from every walk of life.  He's been to Afghanistan and been around the nationals.  He knows people.  I want my children to have life experiences.  I cannot keep them sheltered with me 100% of the time, if I did, then when they are older and "flying away" their wings would be weak. They wouldn't go far and they'll come back to momma.  I want them to have strong wings.  Life experiences. People experiences.  I want to raise adults.  Not big kids.    Like I said, I've been home schooled and gone to public school, my husband has been to public, private, and home schooled.  I'm not saying one is worse than the other, it's not! I have many AMAZING friends whose kids are home schooled or in Private school and they are incredible, smart, loving kids.  Joys to be around.   For me and my house, this is what works for us, though.

We choose public school because I'm not a teacher. The thought of instilling knowledge into my children terrifies me.  To be the sole channel of knowledge for my children.

We choose to go the public school route because it works for us. Plain and Simple. Isn't that what life is all about? Choosing what works for you and your family? Isn't that the beauty of America? Everybody from all different walks of life and experiences chooses routes that best work for their families.

God Bless America!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Tuesday's 10

At it again with Tuesday's 10!!



1. I LOVE planning parties! If I had unlimited resources I could plan one heck of a party!!

2. I love snow the day it falls.  I hate snow the other subsequent days that it sticks around and makes my life difficult 

3. In one month we will have been in this town and house longer than we have been ANYWHERE since 2011.  That's sad. 

4.  Cooking is a labor of love. I love cooking. I cook for my family to show them I love them.  If I have cooked for you... I love you.  Cooking is how I show love.  (baking also)

5. Fresh Mozzarella cheese makes me swooooonnn

6. I love being the first one to get Wesley out of bed because then I receive the first good morning hug.

7.  Budgets thrill me.

8. Is it spring yet??

9. The 3 key broke on the keyboard.  This makes me sad.  3 is my lucky number

10. I don't wear a lot of make-up because I feel like I look like a clown..and I hate clowns.  True story. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Strong

I'm going to try to get back into this.  A wise friend of mine has said 'You never know how far your pebble will reach"  I don't know who I may reach or who I may impact with my words.   I want to be an example. I want to say "LOOK! I did this! I got through this! YOU can too, because you are STRONG"  I have amazing friends in my life who keep me going. Who spur me forward. Who are there to say "You got this!" when I feel that I don't.  I am blessed to have these strong, amazing women in my life. I -need- them.  They call me on it when I'm acting whiny. They lift me when I'm sad.  They encourage me when I'm down and they rejoice with me when I rejoice!  Everyone needs a friend they can go to when they need to hear real, honest advice..even when it may not be what they -want- to hear.  I am blessed to have amazing, strong women in my life.   I'm a strong person by habit.  Not nature. I didn't used to utilize my "strength".  I say "utilize" because I believe everybody has it inside of them to be strong butt-kicking women. You just need to awaken it!

Growing up I always had someone to "fix" things for me .I always had that person to make it better.  I never had to stand alone on my own two feet. I never had to figure it out by myself.   I'm not saying this negatively. It was fact. I am THANKFUL for always being taken care of.  Then I got married and moved 500 miles away from my family.  Yes I was with my "To be" husband but I wasn't with who I had always been with and it was a culture shock.  I was in a huge town, compared to the small 40,000 people town I grew up in, Then, 3 months later my one solid "support", my husband, left for a year.  I was alone and on my own, so to speak, everything left up to me for the first time in my life. I had to figure out how to do it all  by myself. I had to figure out how life worked. I had no clue. I had to care for a household, pay all the bills, do everything, on my own when just 5 months before I had no rent, no bills except car insurance, and I had a family to lean on.  I went through a time of huge depression. I had no clue what to do.  I had people make fun of me because I was clueless. But honestly, I had never lived alone, nobody to fall back on, ever.   I was really depressed and felt I had nobody to lean on. No support.  I had no friends. No family. No husband. No clue.

I had to suck it up and be strong. I had to find ways. I had to ask questions with the chance I would get made fun of, I had to take chances, which totally went outside my comfort zone. I am an introvert. I don't like being made fun of or feeling embarrassed.  If a person want's to alienate me the fastest then embarrass me in front of others.

You see, I'm not strong because I wanted to be. I'm strong because I -had- to be. I'm strong because it's a way of life now.  Sure, it would have been dandy to have someone make me dinner nightly and fawn over me and rub my feet in the evening, and take care of everything, but that's not what I was dealt in life.  I have it in me to be a STRONG warrior, I just had to awaken that.  YOU do too!     I wouldn't change who I am today for who I was. I know that I can survive anything. I can withstand anything. I can be anything.

You have the strength to deal with whatever is thrown your way. Find friends that uplift you and make you stronger. Ditch those that let you play "victim" too much.  You need people in your corner. In your corner does't mean that they will always agree with you, it means that even when you need to hear the hard words they follow it with "I'm here. always. You got this"   Because you do.