A Letter To My Daughters... And Every Other Girl Out There:
1. You are beautiful! Nobody can take that from you! You are special and beautiful all on your own! You don't need make-up, You don't need jewelry, You don't need to show your body. I won't give you the speech about "God doesn't want you to show your body, Your body is a temple" While that is true, I want to get real: Showing your body attracts men. Nobody argues that. Here's the punch line; The men you attract while you show off your body are not the men you should be attracting. The men you attract by showing your body, will not be there once your body changes...and it will. Trust me. I met my husband while wearing a horribly unflattering maroon apron, my hair probably in a messy ponytail and wearing a number of unidentifiable food splatters on that wonderful maroon apron. To this day he says that sight took his breath away. I can guarantee older women are looking at you thinking "Oh dear... she doesn't get it" Maybe it's something that everyone has to go through, the revealing clothes stage, to realize "I don't need this!" " I don't need to wear this to be beautiful. I don't need to wear this to feel valuable." We all see the people posting the selfies with the boobies hangin out... We see it. We know what you are doing. It's desperate. It's not tasteful. It makes you look slutty. Slutty isn't something to be proud of. So, woman to woman, Adult to tweenager, stop it. Just stop.
2. Stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone push you around. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You can do anything you set your mind to.
3. Learn that you don't need a man. Be self sufficient. Don't be with a guy because you feel you need to be. Don't be with a guy to make you feel good. Men are human, Men let us down. They hurt us. When you put your whole being into a man and he hurts you, you'll crumble. Don't let yourself crumble! This is not said to emasculate men and I can hear the chorus now "You need to show your man you need him!!!" Yes! You do!! But don't have him be your whole being! I am not with my husband because I -need- him. I am with him because I -want- him. I don't rely on him for complete emotional health. I don't rely on him to support me, while that is the role he is taking now, there will be times in the future where I may be pulling the weight in regards to income. I'm with him because I want to be. Not because I have to be.
4. Learn to change the oil. Not just the oil but learn to change a tire and learn to run a lawn mower. Learn to fix a sink (Yes I know how to fix sink pipes!). Learn to do "man jobs" Not because I was an Army wife... Not because I'm a feminist (sayy wwwhhhhhatt?) I know how to do all that because I may need the knowledge. What if I'm at home and a pipe under the sink bursts and my husband is at work. Do I call him? Honey come home!!!! In his line of work that isn't going to happen. Do I run around to neighbors until I find one to help me?! I could just fix it. Chances are I can have the water off and pipe fixed, or at the very least, mended and not spewing water all over my floor, before I could find help. It's not being a feminist. It's not to emasculate my husband. It's practical!!!
5. Learn to manage money. Money makes the world go 'round. Learn how to use it..smartly.
6. Find a man who treats you right. Who is respectful and kind and has the same values as you. Who doesn't belittle or hit you. Who treats you as a woman and not a "thing". Don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you right just because you think all the good men are gone. They aren't. Maybe if you can't find a good man, you aren't looking in the right spot. If all else fails, be okay with being alone!
7. Respect yourself. As a student, sister, mother, aunt.. whatever you are. Respect yourself. If you respect yourself, others will too!
8. What you put online comes back to haunt you. Facebook, twitter, Instagram... whatever you post comes back to you! Watch what you put on the internet. You never know who you may meet up with or interview with for a job, and what they will find online. Employers can google. They can find you on Facebook. On another note, What you put on the internet can either hurt or help your husbands (Future husband) career. We, as women, hold such power. What we say and do can affect our men in their jobs.
Let's share a little story..completely made up.. Susie talks crap on her boyfriends boss on Facebook. Susie is friends, unbeknownst to her, with her boyfriends' bosses' sister... Said sister knows this... This doesn't look good for Susie's boyfriend, huh?
Another Susie (different Susie, I'm just not creative enough to come up with another generic name) posts nakey boobie shots on Instagram... Susies Husband has a boss... Susies' husbands boss googles... Do we see what Boss Man now knows...
Bottom line: What we do as wives or girlfriends can either put a positive light or a negative light on our husbands. You may not want to believe it, but what we do can either hurt or help our men. That's the power we have! The things we say or do, the way we act in public, they all come back to us. You may not realize it now but everybody knows everybody. It's a small world! Don't think you're anonymous just because you're on the internet. Shine a good light on your man. They'll thank you!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Dear 17 Year Old Me
Dear 17 Year Old Me,
You are strong. Never forget that. You'll get thrown hurdles. Those who you think are your friends, aren't. Those that you don't think are your friends will become the most influential and special people in your life. Don't spend too much time on those you want to be friends with but treat you wrong.
Don't ever give up! Don't give up on you. Don't give up on your marriage. It's worth it. Fight. Fight and Fight hard. It doesn't seem like it's worth it, but it is. It truly is!
You'll be thrown such hardships. The hardships you've dealt with thus far only prepare you for what's to come. They only make you stronger for what's to come.
There will be a time when you look back think "wow! That was worth it. I survived that"
Don't tolerate behavior from boys that you know is wrong, just so you don't upset someone or because you are afraid of losing someone or being alone. Being alone is OKAY!
Stop living in such fear that people will leave you. Stop living in fear that one wrong move and they will leave. People are going to do what they want. You can't control what they do. You can only control you and be true to you!
Life isn't so black and white. There is so much grey. Embrace the grey.
Don't worry about pleasing everyone. It won't happen. Do what makes you happy and forget those that don't agree.
You're going to have 3 amazing kids. Just like you wanted. The oldest is smart, funny, and she keeps you on your toes. She keeps you guessing. She's a firecracker, which is what you need. Your middle child.. She will be attached to you from the moment she is born, It's amazing, but do make her fly on her own. She needs to learn to fly. Help her fly..gently. She's a peaceful soul. Your youngest... He will teach you to fight. He will teach you to be an advocate. He will teach you that you can survive for 3 days on 2 hours of sleep. He will teach you to fight even harder. To stand up for what you believe. He also, is the light of your life. He's a miracle baby.
The boy you are with now... You'll marry. It won't be roses or sunshine. In fact there will be less rose and less sunshine than you would ever believe. BUT.. stick with it. Fight for what you want. It pays off and it pays off HUGE. Those that don't believe you know what you are doing or you are with the wrong guy. You aren't. You're right. Go with your gut. It won't be easy but it's worth it.
Fight.... Don't ever stop!
You are strong. Never forget that. You'll get thrown hurdles. Those who you think are your friends, aren't. Those that you don't think are your friends will become the most influential and special people in your life. Don't spend too much time on those you want to be friends with but treat you wrong.
Don't ever give up! Don't give up on you. Don't give up on your marriage. It's worth it. Fight. Fight and Fight hard. It doesn't seem like it's worth it, but it is. It truly is!
You'll be thrown such hardships. The hardships you've dealt with thus far only prepare you for what's to come. They only make you stronger for what's to come.
There will be a time when you look back think "wow! That was worth it. I survived that"
Don't tolerate behavior from boys that you know is wrong, just so you don't upset someone or because you are afraid of losing someone or being alone. Being alone is OKAY!
Stop living in such fear that people will leave you. Stop living in fear that one wrong move and they will leave. People are going to do what they want. You can't control what they do. You can only control you and be true to you!
Life isn't so black and white. There is so much grey. Embrace the grey.
Don't worry about pleasing everyone. It won't happen. Do what makes you happy and forget those that don't agree.
You're going to have 3 amazing kids. Just like you wanted. The oldest is smart, funny, and she keeps you on your toes. She keeps you guessing. She's a firecracker, which is what you need. Your middle child.. She will be attached to you from the moment she is born, It's amazing, but do make her fly on her own. She needs to learn to fly. Help her fly..gently. She's a peaceful soul. Your youngest... He will teach you to fight. He will teach you to be an advocate. He will teach you that you can survive for 3 days on 2 hours of sleep. He will teach you to fight even harder. To stand up for what you believe. He also, is the light of your life. He's a miracle baby.
The boy you are with now... You'll marry. It won't be roses or sunshine. In fact there will be less rose and less sunshine than you would ever believe. BUT.. stick with it. Fight for what you want. It pays off and it pays off HUGE. Those that don't believe you know what you are doing or you are with the wrong guy. You aren't. You're right. Go with your gut. It won't be easy but it's worth it.
Fight.... Don't ever stop!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Tuesday's 10
1. I'm really really tired of snow
2. And really really ready for spring
3. Do not mistake me being "just a stay at home mom" with lack of ambition or drive. I have plenty of both, I also know that these years with my babies are fleeting and all too soon they will be gone and flying on their own.
4. There's no way I could not have a job after my kids are in school all day. I would be bored stiff!
5. There aren't enough hours in the day.
6. Next year 2 out of 3 kids will be in school all day! How does that happen!??!
7. 2 1/2 years after that, they will all be in school all day. oh my!
8. I really love my life. No matter how busy we are, how much the kids don't listen, despite everything, I LOVE My life and I am so blessed to live it
9. This year is "The Year of the Decade" 10 years ago this Sept. Big Daddy and I had our first date.
10. My Calendar saying this month is "No Whining. No Complaining. Absolutely no frowning. Only smiles, hugs, and warm fuzzy feelings are allowed! Thank you!" SO FITTING for this month..and it's only the 4th.
2. And really really ready for spring
3. Do not mistake me being "just a stay at home mom" with lack of ambition or drive. I have plenty of both, I also know that these years with my babies are fleeting and all too soon they will be gone and flying on their own.
4. There's no way I could not have a job after my kids are in school all day. I would be bored stiff!
5. There aren't enough hours in the day.
6. Next year 2 out of 3 kids will be in school all day! How does that happen!??!
7. 2 1/2 years after that, they will all be in school all day. oh my!
8. I really love my life. No matter how busy we are, how much the kids don't listen, despite everything, I LOVE My life and I am so blessed to live it
9. This year is "The Year of the Decade" 10 years ago this Sept. Big Daddy and I had our first date.
10. My Calendar saying this month is "No Whining. No Complaining. Absolutely no frowning. Only smiles, hugs, and warm fuzzy feelings are allowed! Thank you!" SO FITTING for this month..and it's only the 4th.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Ebbs and Flows
Life is so funny. We can't expect life to be fabulous all the time. It's not realistic. Life ebbs and flows and there are good times and bad times. Times when you can't be happier. Times when all goes your way and things look amazing. Your outlook on life is wonderful!
Then there are times when you are just tired. Where it seems that at every corner there is something there to smack you around. There are times when you spend weeks caring for sick people and then being sick yourself. There are times when you get disheartening and sad news about a family member you love deeply. Times when your special needs child gets -another- piece of medical equipment and while that equipment makes life easier, it helps him, and it frees up at least 80 minutes of your day everyday, it also is -another- piece of equipment and -another- reminder that things are different and different sometimes makes you wanna cry. Then it snows again and you slip and slide through town praying nobody hits your car because at this point you can't handle a car wreck. And numerous other things that just make you feel like you are shoveling in a snow storm.
When push comes to shove what do you do? You can't just quit. You can't just say "I'm done. I give up" because the sun rises again the next day. So what do you do?
You cling to the little things. You hold it close to your heart when your oldest says "I Love you to infinity and beyond TWICE" You savor the smell of your youngest child as he wraps his little arms around your neck to hug you. You watch a completely girlie movie and eat chocolate cookies even though it is your exercise night you say forget it because cookies and girlie movies make you happy. You cling to your husband as he holds you and lets you cry buckets of tears and cry that you cannot lose someone else you love dearly and you're thankful that your husband is actually here.
You take the day step by step, hour by hour, and know that this rough time can't possibly last forever.
Then there are times when you are just tired. Where it seems that at every corner there is something there to smack you around. There are times when you spend weeks caring for sick people and then being sick yourself. There are times when you get disheartening and sad news about a family member you love deeply. Times when your special needs child gets -another- piece of medical equipment and while that equipment makes life easier, it helps him, and it frees up at least 80 minutes of your day everyday, it also is -another- piece of equipment and -another- reminder that things are different and different sometimes makes you wanna cry. Then it snows again and you slip and slide through town praying nobody hits your car because at this point you can't handle a car wreck. And numerous other things that just make you feel like you are shoveling in a snow storm.
When push comes to shove what do you do? You can't just quit. You can't just say "I'm done. I give up" because the sun rises again the next day. So what do you do?
You cling to the little things. You hold it close to your heart when your oldest says "I Love you to infinity and beyond TWICE" You savor the smell of your youngest child as he wraps his little arms around your neck to hug you. You watch a completely girlie movie and eat chocolate cookies even though it is your exercise night you say forget it because cookies and girlie movies make you happy. You cling to your husband as he holds you and lets you cry buckets of tears and cry that you cannot lose someone else you love dearly and you're thankful that your husband is actually here.
You take the day step by step, hour by hour, and know that this rough time can't possibly last forever.
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