In 2010-2011 I lost almost 50lbs. Not by any fad diet or any new pill. It was from blood, sweat, and tears. Pushing myself until I couldn't walk. Watching what I ate. Going to the gym at least an hour a day. Every day. I worked my butt off, literally. I felt amazing. I was in the best shape of my life. I had tons of energy. I felt great about myself. My stress was minimal. All this during a time when my husband was deployed so I was 100% everything, 100% of the time and we were having marital issues. Exercise saved me!
Then I got pregnant and I gained some of it back. Then I had Wesley and while he was the most amazing blessing -ever-, it's very stressful dealing with a special needs child. I didn't have the freedom to continue my work outs. So I gained a bit more back. We were gifted a gym membership and I started losing again, feeling great. Then we moved. I had to give up my membership. I left my amazing friends that I had made. I left my work out buddy. We had built a beautiful little life in 6 months and I had to leave that for a life that is also beautiful and amazing and I have no doubt we are here for a reason but way way more stressful. Instead of my husband being gone 8-4:30, He works 12-16 hours a day. Then Palate surgery happened. Then Wesley was handed the worst case of separation anxiety and that is still going on.. Me leaving him with someone besides my husband, myself, or my mom.. Not happening. Joining a gym is out of the question. I would no sooner get to the treadmill and I'd have to go back and pick him up from gym daycare.. This is so frustrating to me as a mom but at this point I'm not sure what to do. Going to the gym regularly is out of the question. My husband is always gone, I can't ask my mom to watch all 3 of my kids for 2 hours a day just to go to the gym. I can't put that type of burden her. So here I sit. I've gained back almost all of the weight. I'm not happy. I feel trapped. I'm stressed. I'm tired all the time. And frankly, they are all excuses. I believe there is more than one way to accomplish a goal. Sure, maybe I won't ever get into a gym (I LOOVE gyms) until Wesley goes to Kindergarten. Who knows. But at this point in his life my son went through a huge surgery and he now has a horrible case of separation anxiety and I don't know what to do about it. This isn't your run of the mill separation anxiety. So I don't have any 'run of the mill' ways out. I've been depressed. Depressed that I just made amazing friends and had to move an hour away. Depressed that I just got adjusted to a life and then had to change again. Depressed that I have had to be super mom to keep everything going lately. Depressed that I feel stuck and it's time to change that.
I know what my body needs. I know my body well enough to listen to it and know. This isn't about looking good. Wearing a size 2, or having the most toned thighs. This is about me. I need to be me again. Excuses don't get me there. Excuses get me deeper. Excuses don't boost my mood. Excuses don't make me feel better about myself. Excuses suck.
So here's what I need from you bloggy readers. My beautiful amazing bloggy readers. I have 2 Jillian Michaels DVD's. I know, it's corny. It really is but it's all I know to do right now. Gym daycares are out of the question. I have no solid, consistent, daily help. Heck, I don't even have much free time. So, here's what I am going to do, Every evening I am going to workout to one of those DVD's (Geesh...just saying it sounds so corny) One is a 30 minute shred and the other is 6 week 6 pack. And by the time I do both to completion it won't even be swimsuit season yet and I'll be shredded and 6 packed! So I need you bloggys to hold me to it! Ask me how I am doing. Ask me if I've done it yet tonight. The DVD's take no longer than 40 minutes to do. I spend longer than that deciding on what snack to eat nightly. There should be no reason for me to not do it!
This is not about losing weight, necessarily. It's not about being super super thin. It's for my peace of mind.
So, here we go! Hold me to this!!! Ready! Set! GO!
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