D-Day is creeping up on us...slowly but surely and there's a little girl on the inside of me jumping up and down screaming "no no no no no no no no no, this can't be, this can't be happening" then there's the outside me, who is calm, collected and when asked "how will you do it" I say "we'll be fine, no biggie"
The buildup is worse than the day he actually leaves. The day he leaves your numb and dead on the inside, then he leaves, and you get back in your car and you drive back home to a dark, cold, lonely house and you lose it. yes, I know the drill, I've done it 2 other times.
But the build up....thats worse, because everyone is on edge, anxious, packing to be done, goodbyes to be said, time to be spent as a family. And don't get me wrong, this doesn't start the day before...it starts months before.
And here it is, folks, the major pre deployment stressor...the distancing of yourself from your spouse and vice versa. You dont wanna be hugged or kissed anymore, their meer sight makes you wanna scream. And..When people ask, and I tell them this is the hardest, I get weird looks. but it is, You start distancing yourself bc it's gonna hurt like hell when they leave and by distancing yourself your brain makes you think that it won't hurt as bad, but us deployment veterns know that that is the worst thing you can do, because you are losing out on precious time together, precious memories. So you fight against it which is hard as hell too.
The 'good' thing about this being my 3rd is that we can see these signs, the distancing, the anger, ect and we can try to stop them and fight against them.
Now, let me tell you, I love my husband more than life itself. He's the peanut to my butter, the cherry to my sundae, the apple to my pie (lol) I look at him and know what hes thinking but around deployment him, him and I are at each others throats like nobody's business. We fight and argue about the dumbest things. And its all because of the..da.da.dummmmmmmm "deployment curse" lol I can gladly say though, that bc this is our 3rd deployment we know the signs, we know how each other is acting, we know the whole distancing routine and we're fighting it. This deployment won't get us. I promise you that.
And let me promise you something...That homecoming day will MORE than make up for every bit of pain and suffering you experienced before and during the deployment. That beautiful day. Time doesn't stop * which is good and bad* so it WILL end.
To get me through I have our last homecoming on video, and I most likely be watching that video daily while he's gone, to remind myself that it DOES end.
Dear Lord, Please protect my husband!!!!!
4 comments:
Well you brought tears to mine! People DON'T get it when you tell them that being together is the hardest part about being apart. When you are together you know that it's going to end...
My God watch over you and your family. I would love to send Josh and his team care packages when he is away. If you could email me a list of things the might like. I know what we sent my cousin (more like a brother) while he was away--but if Josh has any specifics please let me know :)
You brought tears to my eyes, too. Do you have my phone number so you have another person to call "just in case" after he goes?
Lots of hugs. I've been there, too, and somehow watching other spouses go through it again and again is like having aftershocks of the pain of doing it myself. PRAYERS. Tell Josh I said he better come back safe.
Before I read the other 2 people's comments, I was going to say that you brought tears to my eyes! Now I know I'm not alone. All I can say is that I know Jesus must be with you - you are one strong woman and I know if Jesus has brought you through the last 2, he will bring you through this one.
"The day he leaves your numb and dead on the inside"..... I can't even imagine it. I feel as though if Corey and I were in your and Josh's position, I would have already had to been taken to an institution a long time ago - and I'm serious.
I will pray that Josh returns to you more quickly than you know and that His hand of protection will never leave his side.
Sorry D day is getting closer. Whomever said it gets easier the more times they leave lied! I thought this last deployment was the hardest for both of us (my 2nd his 3rd). I hope the time he is away passes quickly.
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