Being a Mom Changes You

I don't get much time alone and by 'alone' I mean the house is completely empty except for me. It rarely happens. This weekend, though, I got that rare chance. For a couple hours Hubs took the kids to the park and I got to stay home and do nothing.

The first hour or so was great. I reveled in the quiet, relaxed, watched whatever I wanted on Tv without missing every third word or having the volume obnoxiously loud. I watched a whole show without any interruptions.

But then that second hour rolled around and I got to thinking, as a mother and wife I -crave- alone time so badly. Then I start looking around and I wonder what I would do without my husband or kids. What a boring life that would be. I wouldn't have these cute little chubby faces to drive me crazy and I wouldn't have their constant ornery behavior to keep me on my toes. I wouldn't have anyone to make food for. I wouldn't have these cute little people to snuggle with my on the couch. I wouldn't get to hear "I wuv YOUUU mooomm!!!" I wouldn't get nighttime kisses. I wouldn't get to hear "where do badgers live" 90 million times.

I'm sleep deprived, weigh more than I did before I had kids, my body is different.

Being a mother is hard sometimes. The hardest job ever. It pushes you to the edge of your limits at times. But then I look at my babies and I touch their chubby cheeks and hug them and everything is worth it.

I understand my mom better now that I'm a mom. I understand why she did some things and said some things. I understand why she acted the way she did. I fully, completely understand and appreciate my mom so much more now that I am a mom.

I cannot imagine my life without my babies. I don't know how I would keep going if, Lord Forbid, something happened to one of my children. I don't think I could. There would be a huge hole in my heart and life. It's still scary, everyday, to let big girl get on that bus without me. As much as a cherish the semi-quiet time, I count down the minutes until she is 'safe' with me again. But as a mom, we do things for our kids, to better them. And this is something I must do for her. To help HER. It's not about me anymore. It's about them. It's about what's best for them!

I don't have the nicest clothes, or eat at Resteraunts every night like I'd like to, I don't have the money to buy everything I would like to have... It's about them. I won't have them forever. One day, all too quickly, they will leave and go carry on a life of their own and my house will be empty and very very quiet. ... Until my girls are 30 and give me grandbabies :-)