Hello again friend!

It's been a hard few months, hence the lack of blogging..What I was dealing with couldn't really be blogged about... In a nutshell my world was shaken. What I thought was true, was not. What I held dear was ripped from me. I'm exausted. Mentally and emotionally. So much so that I wonder if I will ever feel normal again. I'm overwhelmed. House, kids, cleaning, tantrums, fighting, hitting (one kid hitting another..just to clarify), kicking (again..kids), the messes, the dogs and add onto that the drama of the past 2 months. Those who you think will be there for you in a trying time sometimes aren't and those that you don't expect to step up, do. Trials really do show you who your friends are. Those who stood by me and put up my moods are truely angels :) I was at a point where I was lonlier than I have ever been in my whole life and I can honestly say that, which is sad bc there have been some very lonly times. I felt a depth of lonliness that I have never felt before. I still feel that lonliness, it creeps up on me and is suffocating at times. It's been over 2 months and I still have bad days. Good days turn to bad days, bad days turn into good days..emotional rollercoaster is still runnin at an alarmingly fast pace. Where am I going from here? I'm not sure. It's not over yet. I'm not sure when it'll be over. But here's the thing though..I've survived. It's not over..verdict is still out..but for now...I've survived. :-)
Being a single parent during this time was incredibly difficult. The day to day demands of single parenting are enough to wear a person out without added drama. I had to have my mom take the girls for a week, which I have NEVER..EVER done. Never have I let my kids out of my sight (let alone, out of the state) for more than 2 nights, but when one isn't sleeping nor eating one has to take drastic measures. But I will tell you that the week break was amazing for my soul. It was an amazing breath of fresh air to get myself together as much as I could and be a good mommy to my princesses.

Lots of things are uncertain...but I do know that I am stronger, more confidant, and NOTHING that happened was in ANY way my fault. I don't know why I was handed this trial. I really wish I could give it to someone else. I believe there was a reason because there's a reason for everything and for now I have to keep going. Putting one foot in front of the other and keep going up this hill. I would love to stop and sit awhile. surely there's a little bench on the hill.
If you don't take anything away from this blog, take this: You are stronger than you think you are. No matter what struggle you are facing you -can- and will live. You -can- do this. You are stronger than you think, stronger than you feel.