Struggle

Dear friends....I'm struggling.  

 I'm the lowest I've been in years. 

 I shouldn't be.  My husband has his dream job.  We have a safe house in a safe neighborhood.  We're close to family.  My son is done with surgeries for the foreseeable future.  We're finally settled for awhile.  

Yet, still, I'm struggling. 
  

I have everything a girl could want. An amazing husband... Awesome kids.  So why?   

I'm going to the Doctor. Maybe he can tell me why.     

The past year was hard, yes.  But I was strong and I dug in and dealt with it.  

Is my strong gone now?  

Am I depressed?  I don't know.  

Is this Postpartum really late?

I've always prided myself on being strong.  I'm very independent. I don't ask for help often.  I take care of my kids. They -are- mine.  I take care of my house and bills.  I have run everything in the household for years on end with no help.  Cared for my kids, hundreds of miles away from any help, for 3 years.   I didn't go back to family when BD was deployed like some do.    I've always prided myself on strength. 

Maybe I've used all  my strength up? Is that even possible?

Where do I turn from here?  

I'm not a quitter. I don't run.  My kids deserve the best mom.  That mom is me.  

My husband is amazing. I'm more in love with him than I've ever been.  My kids are pretty darn awesome. My son is everything I've ever wanted.   Yet life just isn't fun anymore. It hasn't been fun for a few months. 
I'm just tired.  Of everything. And not sure where to turn.

My outside looks happy.  Inside.. I'd rather just lay on the couch. 

See.... Happy outside.