The Process of Parenting Together

I'm experiencing a rare treat today. I'm sitting at home, alone, with my little girl who is sick, babying her. Like a normal mom. We've all been sick with colds and grossness for the past week, last night lil girl spiked a huge fever, wouldn't eat or drink and wouldn't stop crying so we took her into the ER. Actually the Hubs did. That was hard for me. I've always, always been the one to take them to the ER or Doctor, but I was told that since I was on the upswing of this cold and pregnant I needed to stay home. What a rare treat. A scary, rare treat. Ever since we've had kids they are either sick when Hubs is working or deployed so it rests on my shoulders. It was my burden. There was no "Sorry 1Sgt, I have 2 sick kids and a sick wife, I gotta go home" Doesn't work that way. There are no sick days. As the wife you deal with it and keep going. It's really hard partially turning over the reins to someone else. Having faith that they -can- do it.

Then this morning I was letting Hubs sleep in, as he's on leave, and I got the girls all bathed and dressed, myself showered, and had plans to take them and go get lil girls medicines and other stuff we needed at the store because that's what I lived the past 3 years when he was deployed. If a child is sick then we load up and go to the store and get medicine. Sorry to infect the rest of the world but that's what we had to do. I was alone. I have never ever stayed home with a sick child to let them rest while medicines were being picked up and popcicles were being bought. Hubs has been home 9 months and even now I struggle with turning over the reins to him. It's something I have to do though, for him. He needs to feel like he's taking part in our kids lives and being a real dad.

This morning when he got up and informed me that he was taking Big girl and getting the medicines and running some other errands and that I should stay home with lil girl and let her rest I was actually upset. How dare he? How dare he try to take over my plan? I'm capable. I can do it. Just go back to bed and let me do it myself, it's what I always do. How dare he try to take over. Then I realized, why can't he? He's home. He's off work this week for leave. He's capable. It -would- be best if lil miss stayed home and rested. I'm almost 8 months pregnant. I don't need the stress of taking two kids out and waiting in a pharmacy. Is this what normal dads do? Is this how normal people do things? (Normal meaning not Military) Then I realized what a treat this is. I am home with my sick baby and able to baby her and care for her with my full attention.

I'm ashamed to say that still, after 9 months, of him being here I still struggle to hand over the parenting duties. I struggle with letting him parent. I struggle with letting him help. I've done it all for so long that it's hard change gears. It's a slow process. I know that I have to. I want to. I just don't know what it's like to parent with someone consistantly for a period of time. I feel like my toes are being stepped on.

He didn't ask me to do it. He didn't leave big girl here with me. He didn't ask me to take her to the ER and expose myself to all those germs. He stepped up and is taking care of everything when he could be asleep still or sitting here at home in his PJ's. Isn't that what I wanted during those long years of deployments? Help and for him to step up.
It's a slow process of turning over the reins little by little to him and letting him be a real father. Not a long distance father. It's a process of letting him feel some of the stress the kids cause at times instead of me solely dealing with it.

I'm not ashamed to admit that it's a hard process to work though. One that takes time and patience on both our parts. Maybe one day I will understand how you Civilans do it. Seems foreign to me at the moment though.