D-Day

So, I've realized that not a lot of people..mostly civilians, know what happens on D-Day...That horrid day when your spouse leaves for a deployment. So I'd like to share my D-day.
The day before D-Day was our 5yr anniversary. I was so thankful to get that day with him because for quite awhile it looked like we would be apart on our anniversary and at the last moment the Army pulled through for us. We had a fabulous day, spending time as a family. We didnt really celebrate as we were all celebrated out from our previous 2 "anniversary celebrations" a month or so earlier. But we had a fantastic day nonetheless.
I am normally very scatterbrained on D-Day and I end up doing a complete cleaning of the house that morning. Yes, instead of spending the last moments with my husband I am cleaning. I clean and flutter around the house keeping myself busy. Washing baseboards, vents, underside of the kitchen table, ya get the jist. My loving husband has just come to terms with the fact that thats how its gonna be. It's either going to be cleaning or me sobbing in a corner. SO I think he was a bit surprised when we woke up that morning and I said "lets go to breakfast" I was trying my hardest to keep upbeat and happy so as to not upset the kids and figured breakfast was a wonderful option. Plus I didn't know when BD would eat next, so knew he needed food.....I'm very big on making sure he has enough to eat, maybe thats why he gains weight when hes home ?....I have been known to throw a can of beans in his duffle when he was goin to the field for 2 weeks. Like the Army wouldn't feed him..I don't know why I do these things, But I'm very paranoid about making sure people aren't hungry.
SO off we went to Cracker barrel, Got dressed, kids ready, loaded everyone up and off we went...On our way to cracker barrel, which is a 15-20 min. drive from my house, I was priding myself on the fact that I was doing so well, maybe bc it is my
3rd deployment I was finally getting the hang of it, I was a seasoned Army wife, I had it together!...until we got to Cracker Barrel, turned to grab my purse and realized..OH CRAP!!!!!! I left it sitting on the front porch!!!!! phone, money, ID's everything on the front porch of my house. lovely. So BD tells me to go ahead and go home and get it, he'll take the girls inside and get them something to eat, no problem. As I'm 1/2 way home I realize.......wait.....if I dont have my purse, then............I dont have my drivers license. Then my mind starts to wonder if I do get pulled over for whatever reason I would get arrested for not having my drivers license and in that case would they not make BD deploy ? oh the possibilities.....luckily I made it home safe and everything in my purse that was in fact on the front porch was safe also.
We had a lovely breakfast and then came home and honestly, I can't tell you WHAT we did from then until he had to report at 1130am. I have no clue how we busied ourselves.
The past 2 deployments I start crying when he puts on his uniform bc that means we're about to go, last time I even begged him to take it off, I think maybe I mighta bribed him also..geesh, I sound like a crazy person..but comeon, give me a break, I am saying goodbye to my husband for a YEAR to go to a war zone!
And we made it out the door, I even had makeup on *thats a plus!*
We get to BD's offices and he has to draw *get* his weapon then its a lot of standing around and waiting *some units have a ceremony, in 3 deployments we never have* We stood around letting the kids play, visiting with co workers, bein social ect, some people just stay off to themselves. I even made a run to the shoppette *like a 7-11, kwick shop, ect* to get snacks for the girls and a sandwich for BD.
and then the mean man comes out and starts hollerin "10 Minutes until you have to be at the gym, say your goodbyes now, NO family at the gym!" (all the soldiers go to a gym on post and are 'locked in' for 4-5 hours before they leave, no family is allowed to go there, no soldiers leave) Theres no goodbyes by the airplane like you see on TV. Still, I was doing good.
I was still doing good until he started saying goodbye to the girls and I lost it...and i mean..LOST...IT! I kinda hid in a doorway so he wouldn't see me crying. Then I realized, crap...We were a good ways away from our car and to get to the car we had to walk through a lot of people and I could not have them seeing me sobbing, soo I pulled it together, yes..again.
We started walking back to the car. He helps me load all the kids up and I am really, REALLY trying hard to not crawl under the car and start sobbing. Finally everything is int he car and its him and I standing there and we hug and kiss and we say "I love you" "be safe" ect I dont quite remember our exact words at that point. Then I get in the car and I'll never forget this....all i could see was his stomach through my open side window and I make the sign for "I love you" and press it on his stomach bc I couldn't say it or else I'd cry more and he took his hand and pressed it over my hand and held it there and bent down and gave me another kiss. and he walked into his office.
I drove home, crying...I dont quite know how, but I did. Put the kids for their nap and had my pity party..>Then the kids got up, I was fine, made dinner and we carried out the rest of our day. They needed to see that everything was okay and I was bound and determind to show them.

So that was D-day..I dont think I have ever written it out before and even writting it out now I feel a lump of emotion in my chest. I dont even think our family knows how D-Day goes......It's emotional and hard but there will be a day when those lovely white busses pull up and I will have my husband ALL to myself again and its worth it!!