Learning How To Be A Christian

It was almost 3 years ago that my life changed.    I had always grown up in church.  Identified as a christian but I never really enjoyed church, never really felt "safe" there.  I found the hypocrisy distasteful, I found the "throw suchnsuch under the bus via pulpit" distasteful, things I had shared in confidence were blasted in front of all or I was made fun of.  It wasn't a safe place, it wasn't a happy place for me.  I never felt like I fit in, because of family past.  I wasn't in the clique.  You'd see a fellow church member at the store and they turn the other way to ignore you.  You offend someone accidentally, and you're done for.  It was really sad.   Then I got married and move to Texas and we kinda fell out of church... sure, we tried a few times... but even then I was chastised via pulpit for wearing pants or how I looked, my piercings or tattoos, or knowing I was engaged, the Pastors daughter tried to hook up with my to-be husband when he did the gentlemanly thing and gave her a ride home and then played nice to my face.  It wasn't a Christ-like atmosphere  so we stopped and frankly, the Army friends we hung out with were WAY more real and way more legit than any Christian I had encountered.  Sure they had their faults, they had their issues..but they tried and never stabbed you in the back.

I'm a very -real- person.  I expect honesty, respect, kindness.  I expect to be treated how I treat others.  I expect to not be gossiped about for things that happened generations before me. I believe in being kind to others regardless of how they look or dress or act.

Then almost 3 years ago we walked into a thrift store looking for furniture for our new house. We had just moved to Wichita and had downsized prior to moving.   Working in that thrift store was a man with a beard, covered in tattoos, wife beater shirt on.. and frankly, I didn't wanna make him mad.   Josh and him started talking and he ending up giving us a card and told us "You should come check out our church on Sunday.. I'm the pastor"   Josh and I said "ya maybe".. and we left.. I looked at Josh and my mouth dropped open.. "HE'S the pastor??  Okay. we -have- to go check this out"   and thus our journey began and I Healed in ways I didn't know possible.   We went once and told Joshs parents "STOP what you are doing! You HAVE to come check out this church"

That man.. that we met.. .is the kindest, gentlest, funniest, man.  His wife is incredible and one of my BEST friends now, she knows some of my deepest secrets..stuff that'd make others run.. and she never batted an eye.  I was 100% accepted.   Their children are the cutest, sweetest, MOST adorable kids I think I've ever met.  Their family, that lives out of state, has loved and accepted us after meeting us once.

We walked into that church and we didn't receive handshakes.. we received hugs.  People who we had never met before hugged us and loved on our kids, invited us in, welcomed us with open arms, handed us food, coffee, water.. asked us about ourselves.  After knowing me for an hour I was told "You're a good mom, I can see that" I had a 5 month old who was gearing up for another surgery and man..I desperately needed to hear that.   We were hooked.  We were officially part of an Urban church plant.   In our 18 months there we saw almost every walk of life.  Made life-long friends. We connected with World Impact Wichita (their parent church), We met more amazing, loving, kind, generous, giving people.    We were loved and shown Christ in a way we'd never experienced before.  There were no cliques. We were a family.  I finally understood "church family" We started helping out and became active members. It opened my eyes to the Urban poor and gave me such a soft spot in my heart.  The urban poor community are some of the kindest, most real people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  I saw things that brought me to tears. I saw things that filled my heart with more joy than I can express.  I saw things that angered me.  I've heard things that have made me weep inside. Nobody gossiped about it.  Nobody looked badly upon them.  They were loved and accepted and helped!

After we moved to Hutch, due to Joshs work schedule I had to bow out and become a "remote member"  I'll always identify as part of the CTV family.  I couldn't drive weekly with 3 kids by myself to church and back an hour away. It took a huge toll on me. I'm no help to anyone if I am stressed, tired, and worn out.  We've been church hopping for 2 years now and .... I'm still not happy.   It pains me to not have my CTV family every week.  To not be able to reach out and love on them and give to them is hard.  Every Sunday I wish I were with my CTV family.   I've made friends from every walk of life.  I've been shown who Christ is through ex-cons, the homeless, a lady  in a batman costume and many many more.   Not once have I ever been judged for who I am or how I look. Not once have I felt bad for who I am or where I came from.  You think you're going into being a part of an urban church plant and you're going to be Christ to them, You're going to be the bright spot in their life...... for me, the exact opposite is true.   I'm not laying everyones business out but I've been changed by many, many people.. maybe even people who had no clue that they impacted me.  My kids have been impacted and shown to love all..despite flaws or choices. To love those that look and act differently than they do.
I've learned that I don't need to preach down anyone's throat.  I'm gonna be me.  You be you.  Let me serve you and love you for who you are and  let me meet you where you're at.  I don't need to condemn people for their choices or life.  That's not my job and frankly, it makes me look bad.


I learned what being a Christian is and now that we are hopping around "traditional" churches... They just don't measure up to what I experienced.

I've learned what it means to be Christ to someone.  I've learned what it means to serve.  To give.  When I look back our time in Wichita was the time in my life I grew and changed the most.