3 Things You didn't Know About My Boy

Here we are.. 3 years old.  I have never seen a more adorable, sweet, funny, thoughtful 3 year old in my life.  I was way beyond blessed with my boy.
He's started preschool and he has just excelled.  Prior to preschool he wouldn't play with his toys. He would hold them or line them up or dump out the toybox but actual play never happened and after being in preschool for 2 weeks I caught him laying in his room all alone, playing with his toys. It's still not a perfect science and it doesn't happen consistently yet but nothing with kids is a perfect science.
His preschool wouldn't give him speech therapy during the summer so after speaking with his Dr we are getting ready to start speech therapy at the hospital here in town.  We will also be evaluating for sensory therapy.   He's started to really show a lot of sensory issues and his Dr. agreed.  It's time to take some steps and see what is going on.  I remember as a baby he was so over stimulated at times.. he would just fuss and cry.  I would have to swaddle him up and take him into a dark bedroom with a fan on and rock him until he was calm.

Speech-wise... Things aren't great.  They really haven't changed much, honestly. I know 1 year olds that talk more than him.   It's pretty much been decided he has speech apraxia. Apraxia is a neurological issue that prevents the brain from letting the words come out of his mouth.  He knows exactly what he wants to say, he just can't make the words come out of his mouth.  There are two types of Apraxia.  Childhood Apraxia and "Apraxia" ... Childhood apraxia resolves itself by 10-12 years of age, WITH intense therapy.  Apraxia does not ever get better even with therapy.   You CAN conquer Apraxia but the ONLY way is intense speech therapy.   His preschool knows this and still wouldn't give him summer therapy because "It's just speech"  So I found other avenues.  As of yet the frequency isn't what I would like but I am willing to wait that out and see if I can't get it moved up more.  If not, I'll go somewhere else.

So anyway, in honor of my boys 3rd year of life here are 3 things You didn't know about Wesley! :-)


1) You cannot punish a child for a tantrum due to frustration at not being able to speak.  Welcome to the very fine line of parenting.  After every tantrum I have to evaluate "What is he trying to say?" "What is frustrating him that he cannot express?"  OR is this a blatant attitude/disrespect/anger. Think of how many tantrums a toddler has per day... your average toddler... Now imagine a toddler that has SO much to say, but cannot.   Imagine yourself wanting to express your wants/needs/desires/opinions but you can't. Wouldn't you get so frustrated that you'd kick and scream?  I know I would. Wesley probably has double the tantrums that a "Normal" toddler has..just due to not being able to vocally express what he needs or -us- not understanding what he is trying to say.  The goal is to try to get him to talk,  if I associate a punishment for every tantrum when all he wants to do is say something, but can't I'll end up crushing his spirit.  When a tantrum or an outburst starts if I take a breath and calmly take 2 minutes to try to figure out what he needs/wants the tantrum 99% of the time, subsides.  Imagine, as a parent, dealing with a normal 3 year old and his tantrums.. it's exhausting.  Now, imagine having double the tantrums, at least, and having to sit there and analyze each one.  "What's he trying to say" "What is bothering him" "Is he in pain?"  or  "Is this direct, defiant disobedience and anger"   It's extremely, utterly mentally exhausting.  And most days by the end of the day my brain is fried.  Now, this isn't to say he has free reign and can do what he likes.  Regardless of a tantrum we still have "consequences" for when something happens.   More often than not I try to intercept before a tantrum gets bad.. If I can't.. he goes to "calm down" in his room.  Punishing doesn't help. Spankings won't help.   We -do- sit down and I talk to him about how I understand he was trying to say something but  (stomping/throwing/screaming) is not an appropriate way to say something so he needs to slow down and use what he knows to tell mama what he needs.  He does use sign language and we're to the point that *Most* things he'd ever need to say, he knows a sign for it, but, like many of us, default when you're frustrated, is anger.  So please don't think he gets off free and acts however.. he doesn't. My rules and techniques are just a bit different than when I raised my girls.  Every child is different and if you have one level playing field for life, you'll fail.

2) You cannot punish for a sensory overload.   Wesleys sensory issues usually come in the form of food.  He won't eat, foods he once liked he hates now, textures, etc  or overload where he does something repeatedly and often times it's something really annoying.   Shutting a door over and over. Hitting a toy on a table/floor, ect.   I don't punish for that.  Some may think I am crazy but the issue is not him being a nuisance or being a trouble maker.  He's stressed. He's overloaded and repeatedly doing something calms him.  Normally I try to scoop him up and take him to a quiet spot and let him calm down and sometimes I let him get it out of his system.  
There was a situation awhile back where we were with a big group of people that he didn't know and he was way overloaded the WHOLE time.  I took him away time and time again. J and I both took him on walks. We sat quietly away from everyone..but every time we weren't diverting him, he was opening/shutting a door and at about 3 hours in I was exhausted. Mentally and physically. and I was embarrassed.  Nobody else understood. They had no idea and  They probably thought I wasn't dealing with it or I was being lazy and letting him be annoying but that wasn't the case at all.   I did everything I knew to do, especially considering we haven't even started sensory therapy yet, and it didn't work.   It was exhausting and emotionally draining.

3) Enough of this heavy stuff.... for our finale ... Wesley LOVES to sing.  I'll sing to him and then pause and he will follow with "Yah yah yah yaaahhh"  in a sing-song voice.  The tone is wrong, the words are wrong but he is singing and it makes me so happy!   He doesn't do it a lot but when it does happen, it's amazing.


Happy 3 years to my amazing boy!!!! I hope to make amazing strides this year and remember, my son, Mama will NEVER ever give up on you!