Transitions

so, Since I'm getting closer to R&R I'm starting to think about transitions and things that have changed around here while BD has been gone. When spouses come home for R&R and even for good it can be a hard transition. You're used to doing things a certain way, your spouse is used to doing their own thing, and your spouse also knows how things were before he/she left. Those 3 factors can cause a lot of unneeded stress and arguments. It takes patience on both parts, especially when there are kids involved, to get back into a routine. My husband is really good about standing back the first few days and just watching and being a 'help' instead of 'taking charge' It's easy for a soldier to want to take charge coming home when they are using to taking care of soldiers or being in charge of some aspect at all of their job, which causes clashes because as a mom, we're used to doing things a certain way on our own without outside help. They get so into doing their own thing, whenever they want, however they want, day in day out for 6-12 months at a time. As do we. It can bring out a 'mommy bear' if your husband walks in and starts being harsh or disciplining the kids when you're used to doing it all or doing it in a different fashion. You're husband has been 'soldier' for a solid 6 months, they are using to talking to soldiers and can come across a bit harsh
Something I do that seems to help us is before BD is supposed to come home I write him a letter and share everything 'new' thats gone on. Like the fact that Lillia doesn't take a water cup to bed anymore, she's only allowed a sip before bed, or the fact that Lillia doesn't -have- to nap during 'quiet time' she just has to be quiet for the set amount of time. It can cause a lot of fights when a husband comes home and tries to -make- a kid nap and you and the child aren't used to that then it turns into a fight bc you're mad that they are doing something they aren't supposed too and they are mad because they didnt even -know-. It's all about communication.
Another thing, go with the flow. If your husband wants to go out to walmart at 6:45 to look at something and you are normally getting the kids ready for bed....Whats the harm in giving a bit? Say "well, normally I'm getting the kids ready for bed but if it's a quick trip, then thats fine" In the end what's it matter if the kids are 20 minutes late for bed? Ya, they may be a bit cranky the next day but there's no fight, your husband is happy, you're happy bc you're not fighting and in the end, you're together so unless its life and death...give a little. It takes giving and taking. And in the end your husband may say "oh..well I didnt know that, we can just go tomorrow" Soldiers get into the mode of doing whatever, whenever.
And lastly..Give your soldier a bit of space if they need it. They've come from a war zone where they may have seen/heard things and whatnot. They've traveled days to get home, they are most likely tired. They are going from being 'single' to 'family' in an instant. It's all a bit overwhelming. If they need space to just go drive their car or nap or just quiet. Give them some time. Now, Im not saying let your soldier desert you the whole time, but, a little space is normal and okay. If they're distant, let them be, dont nag them. Ask once if they wanna talk, if so, let them..if not..dont harp on it.
It's all about give and take, patience, and respect. Now, this isn't true for all soldiers as everyone is different, just some food for thought. When you think about it though, isn't that what marriage is supposed to be all the time? Love, patience, respect, thoughtfulness, compromise. Being nice to your spouse, being thoughtful, trying to understand their point of view and trying to understand where they are coming from. Ya, your spouse may annoy you...but...at some point doesn't -everyone- we know annoy us at some point?

It's amazing how such commonsense can be forgotten at times. It's true, you never know what you have until it's gone! I learned that my first deployment and I try to remember that when my husbands home also. Don't take each other for granted, life is too short.