So here we are..out of the Army.. Civilian life.. and all I want to do is go back to the Army. I am scared to death. I try to not even think about it because when I do I get panicky, I feel like I can't breathe. Just last night I had a dream about having panic attacks. I just don't think about it but it's coming upon the time where I have to start thinking about it. What do we do if jobs don't line up with when our Army paychecks stop? Because of expenses our savings account has been depleated..completely. Like, to the dollar. I am dead serious. It's like someone looked at our bank accounts and then charged us that. When I was told the last amount we had to give up I just looked at Hubs..."are you serious.. that's all we have left" and like the optimist I am I said "well....... at least we have enough to cover it" lol Truck problems, moving expenses that the Army won't cover, unexpected bills, traveling for Wesley's appointments and therapies, ect.
I am so thankful for the month and a half of Army pay we have left but, if you have ever been in the Army, you know how much that is, And those that know my husbands rank know how much we make. (ha) Thankfully it covers our bills, groceries, gas, and some to save because we do live fairly frugal but not near enough where we are "safe" come October if Hubs doesn't have a job to cover us at least a month. I KNOW all the saving tricks. I can save money with the best of em. I developed that talent from my mom. I can make money stretch to where you're head would spin. But when I'm hit with "pay this" "pay that" "opps another $200 here" what am I supposed to do?
Our plan 4 months ago was for both of us to get jobs and with Big girl in school, paying for 2 daycares was doable and we'd be making more than enough...and then lil man was born. I can't go get a normal job right now. I can't work 9-5. I don't trust anyone to know how to care for him, in a daycare setting. I would be taking off 2-3 times a week for appointments and therapies. Then his surgery I would need to take off for..and recovery.. I can't go apply for a job and then ask for 2 days a week off. I could get a night job but then when Hubs gets a PD job and goes to academy he will be gone all week and I'd have to quit. So right now, until I can think of another plan, it's totally up to hubs to provide. Which upsets me. I feel like I'm quitting on my part of our deal. We had a deal and now I can't hold up on my end of it.
Sure, I could do some sales job like Avon or the like but the problem with that is that it isn't a NEED for people. You don't make much and your clients vary. They don't always stay customers. I've walked down that road before and while it's a fun pasttime to do and to make a little spending money, it isn't what we need right now.
I know everything works out. I know in the end it will all work out. But right now I don't know how. We've been told "well be thankful you have two months of pay left to use while you job hunt" yes, we do and we are but if for some reason we have a lapse... we're screwed. We have 3 kids to think about. I will NOT let my kids suffer! My kids don't need to know about the issues we have going on. They shouldn't be deprived of a fun birthday or the backpack she wants. I'll make cuts elsewhere. I'll put a belt over my too big jeans instead of buying new. I'll wear my lounge pants to walmart and be "that" person if I have to. This is not my kids fault. I'm trying to think of creative ways to make money but so far I'm not coming up with much.
I'm scared. I've never been like this before. I've never been so stressed to where I have dreams of having panic attacks and feeling like I can't breathe. I just really really need it all to come together soon. All these puzzle pieces are floating around and nothing is clicking into place. They are just floating and I'm here jumping up trying to catch 1 or 2 and put the puzzle together.
I know it'll all work out. It has to. What other choice is there? But the getting there is torture.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
The House
So after Hubs mom and my parents come save the day and we get the "stupid truck" towed to our new house, we get to the house and start unloading, which all went very well..despite a broken cookie jar and my bed being broken, but fixable. And then it started............. Within 2 hours we had two windows break. One was broken when we arrived, a basement window and another was broken while putting in the upstairs AC that the landlord couldn't do because "he didn't have a screwdriver"....... although he was able to do the 2nd AC "without" the screwdriver. We got all settled in that night, all was going well until Hubs says "the AC is going out" of course I didn't believe him because he's normally hot and he likes to whine about the air temperature of rooms so I ignored him............. until 2am when I woke up sweating. Add that into 2 little girls who wouldn't sleep beceause it was a new place and it was a very long night.
I had hoped morning would be better....But I was wrong. That morning the AC was very much dead but thankfully it was a rainy cool morning so with the windows open it wasn't bad. Then the dryer broke....... an hour later..the washer broke. In less than 24 hours we had a broken truck, 2 broken windows, broken AC, broken washer and dryer and a broken banister. I was so close to crawling in a corner and never getting up.
Then I got to looking at the overall condition of the house.. I swear to you the people who lived here before didn't own a mop or broom or have a clue what cleaning was. My wonderful in-laws came over a few days before we got here and did what cleaning they could do with no electricity but there was still SO much to do. The people before us obviously had a big white dog..I know this because of the amount of dog hair I have sucked out of the carpets. After 3 vacuumes I am still sucking up dog hair...and I have a Dyson...yah. The yard was completely trashed. Literal trash in the yard. Hubs was talking to the neighbor and he said that the people before never cleaned anything and Hubs says "yah, I can tell that! The house was filthy" Gross amounts of dirt on all the window ledges, cobwebs everywhere, dog hair on EVERY surface, dirt everywhere, the floors were covered in dirt, someone had been using the toilet while there was no water on so therefore couldn't be flushed..UGH! (ya, I couldn't even make this stuff up) Welcome home, Heres a toilet full of............................ lovely. We would move a curtain and dog hair would just fall down from it. Honestly, it is the dirtiest house I have ever seen. I don't keep a spotless house but I vacuume daily, I keep dust off of surfaces, I wipe down the counters, stove, fridge daily. So along with the normal unpacking, move in suff, I have also had to deep clean an 1800 sq ft house. I am still getting rid of cobwebs.
There will be massive issues if we don't get the deposit back.
And then we couldn't get a copy of the lease. Phone calls, emails, texts..no response. We finally got ahold of them and it was 'in their car' and they would bring it by. So a couple days later they do.... and admit they lost the lease and we needed to sign another........ niiice.
As I'm typing this I have a sinking feeling that I will need all this info at a later date.. say, when I move out.
Our transition to civilian life hasn't been the easiest. It seems no matter where we turn we get hit with another crap-pie in the face. It's been one issue after another for the past 2 months. I don't understand why, maybe I never will understand but I'm trying to hold on and be positive.
I had hoped morning would be better....But I was wrong. That morning the AC was very much dead but thankfully it was a rainy cool morning so with the windows open it wasn't bad. Then the dryer broke....... an hour later..the washer broke. In less than 24 hours we had a broken truck, 2 broken windows, broken AC, broken washer and dryer and a broken banister. I was so close to crawling in a corner and never getting up.
Then I got to looking at the overall condition of the house.. I swear to you the people who lived here before didn't own a mop or broom or have a clue what cleaning was. My wonderful in-laws came over a few days before we got here and did what cleaning they could do with no electricity but there was still SO much to do. The people before us obviously had a big white dog..I know this because of the amount of dog hair I have sucked out of the carpets. After 3 vacuumes I am still sucking up dog hair...and I have a Dyson...yah. The yard was completely trashed. Literal trash in the yard. Hubs was talking to the neighbor and he said that the people before never cleaned anything and Hubs says "yah, I can tell that! The house was filthy" Gross amounts of dirt on all the window ledges, cobwebs everywhere, dog hair on EVERY surface, dirt everywhere, the floors were covered in dirt, someone had been using the toilet while there was no water on so therefore couldn't be flushed..UGH! (ya, I couldn't even make this stuff up) Welcome home, Heres a toilet full of............................ lovely. We would move a curtain and dog hair would just fall down from it. Honestly, it is the dirtiest house I have ever seen. I don't keep a spotless house but I vacuume daily, I keep dust off of surfaces, I wipe down the counters, stove, fridge daily. So along with the normal unpacking, move in suff, I have also had to deep clean an 1800 sq ft house. I am still getting rid of cobwebs.
There will be massive issues if we don't get the deposit back.
And then we couldn't get a copy of the lease. Phone calls, emails, texts..no response. We finally got ahold of them and it was 'in their car' and they would bring it by. So a couple days later they do.... and admit they lost the lease and we needed to sign another........ niiice.
As I'm typing this I have a sinking feeling that I will need all this info at a later date.. say, when I move out.
Our transition to civilian life hasn't been the easiest. It seems no matter where we turn we get hit with another crap-pie in the face. It's been one issue after another for the past 2 months. I don't understand why, maybe I never will understand but I'm trying to hold on and be positive.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Beginning of our Civilan life
Well, we are Civilians.. it was a rocky road to get here but here we are. Things were crazy up until... ok, well, they still are crazy.
It started with the whole "oh sorry, transportation can't fit you in so you'll have to do a full DITY move" So I was packing the whole house with 3 kids amongst appointments, therapies, errands, last minute moving things and everything else that comes with being a mom to 3 kids under 5. Somehow I got the house packed..kinda. Then Hubs couldn't get his paperwork signed so he could clear post, they lost another set of papers, nobody wanted to make the Col mad and interrupt him to have him sign the papers so they just wouldn't do it... stuff like that. We finally got everything signed and ready to go so he could start clearing post, 2 days before we were supposed to leave. We also had "stupid truck" issues. We bought a truck from one of Hubs friends a couple months ago, 1500 Chevy, noisy thing.. "peerrrfect shape, just looks ugly" SO we bought it and since have spent $600 on it... and about to spend $300 more at this very moment (but thats another story) So 2 days before we leave "stupid truck" dies... So we get it into the shop and "Mario" tells us it'll be done in a day and "thats the last problem you'll ever have with this truck..I fix it for good" yaaaaaahhhhh
Two days before we leave we start loading up... Some of Hubs soldiers came over and helped us and everything went great. We stayed one last night in our apartment and planned to spend Saturday cleaning and loading up our storage unit. Ya, didn't quite happen like that. For some reason we ran -really- behind on Saturday. We had to have our keys turned in by 2pm.. At 1:45 I was cleaning like a crazy woman while Hubs was STILL loading the truck.. I'm not sure how we still had that much stuff sitting around but that's what happened...maybe because I was packing a whole house by myself with 3 kids..perhaps. I was literally throwing things onto our breezeway for Hubs to load as I was cleaning just so that we could get the keys in by 2pm. During all of this the girls were wailing at the injust life that they have, missing shoes, not a good enough lunch and whatnot. Ya, I get that their whole world was changing but..holy crap..I almost left them in El Paso. So I was cleaning like a crazy woman with 2 girls wailing, fighting and screaming in my ear. We finally left around 2:30 and went directly to pick up "stupid truck" and go to our Hote in El Paso so that Hubs could sign out early Sunday morning and we could leave. I drove "stupid truck" to our hotel and got laughed at by Mexicans because I couldn't park the thing... *!@$$##$#*
We planned to drive 9 hours on Sunday then 3 1/2 hours on Monday. Our 9 hour drive on Sunday turned into 14 hours. Lil man apparently hates traveling so he spent 9 of those 14 hours crying... I, in turn, spent those same 9 hours with my arm wrenched around back patting his head, trying to keep him semi calm... I now need shoulder surgery. It was such a long day.. We didn't stop for lunch.. We didn't stop for anything but to feed little man. Bringing food along was the best thing I ever decided to do because the girls snacked on that stuff all day and didn't whine about food. Had we stopped for food we never would have made it.
We made it to our hotel at 8pm, I ate a little bit of Mcdonalds and then we crashed............
The next morning we wake up at 5 and realize we never got the truck weighed, while full, *CRAPPP* so we can get reimbursed for the move.... We also found out that there were NO weight scales on our route that day. So hubs got ready and drove back 45 mins to the last weight scale, weighed the truck and then drove 45mins to us. By that time I had the girls all ready to go and we left. The second day wasn't as bad just lots of 50mph and road construction. In case you are wondering, the route from El Paso to Kansas is the more baren, annoying, obnoxious route EVER!
We make it into the city limits and our "fun" didn't stop. "Stupid truck" wouldn't accelerate...and "stupid truck" died...on the highway. So there I was with a cranky baby, a Penske truck ahead of me, sitting in a dead truck 3 exits from our house. 3...freaking..exits. Although I am thankful that it died that close,Hubs mom was close as were my parents and both came to save the day. But really........... truck makes it from El Paso to the city limits and then dies? It couldn't wait like 5 more minutes and save me a $75 towing fee.
"Stupid truck" is still dead... and "stupid truck" is actually on its way to the shop now.. @#$#*&*##&$# I hate that stupid truck!
And then we got to................... The house............ da da duuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Stay tuned for that ongoing saga tomorrow........... :-)
It started with the whole "oh sorry, transportation can't fit you in so you'll have to do a full DITY move" So I was packing the whole house with 3 kids amongst appointments, therapies, errands, last minute moving things and everything else that comes with being a mom to 3 kids under 5. Somehow I got the house packed..kinda. Then Hubs couldn't get his paperwork signed so he could clear post, they lost another set of papers, nobody wanted to make the Col mad and interrupt him to have him sign the papers so they just wouldn't do it... stuff like that. We finally got everything signed and ready to go so he could start clearing post, 2 days before we were supposed to leave. We also had "stupid truck" issues. We bought a truck from one of Hubs friends a couple months ago, 1500 Chevy, noisy thing.. "peerrrfect shape, just looks ugly" SO we bought it and since have spent $600 on it... and about to spend $300 more at this very moment (but thats another story) So 2 days before we leave "stupid truck" dies... So we get it into the shop and "Mario" tells us it'll be done in a day and "thats the last problem you'll ever have with this truck..I fix it for good" yaaaaaahhhhh
Two days before we leave we start loading up... Some of Hubs soldiers came over and helped us and everything went great. We stayed one last night in our apartment and planned to spend Saturday cleaning and loading up our storage unit. Ya, didn't quite happen like that. For some reason we ran -really- behind on Saturday. We had to have our keys turned in by 2pm.. At 1:45 I was cleaning like a crazy woman while Hubs was STILL loading the truck.. I'm not sure how we still had that much stuff sitting around but that's what happened...maybe because I was packing a whole house by myself with 3 kids..perhaps. I was literally throwing things onto our breezeway for Hubs to load as I was cleaning just so that we could get the keys in by 2pm. During all of this the girls were wailing at the injust life that they have, missing shoes, not a good enough lunch and whatnot. Ya, I get that their whole world was changing but..holy crap..I almost left them in El Paso. So I was cleaning like a crazy woman with 2 girls wailing, fighting and screaming in my ear. We finally left around 2:30 and went directly to pick up "stupid truck" and go to our Hote in El Paso so that Hubs could sign out early Sunday morning and we could leave. I drove "stupid truck" to our hotel and got laughed at by Mexicans because I couldn't park the thing... *!@$$##$#*
We planned to drive 9 hours on Sunday then 3 1/2 hours on Monday. Our 9 hour drive on Sunday turned into 14 hours. Lil man apparently hates traveling so he spent 9 of those 14 hours crying... I, in turn, spent those same 9 hours with my arm wrenched around back patting his head, trying to keep him semi calm... I now need shoulder surgery. It was such a long day.. We didn't stop for lunch.. We didn't stop for anything but to feed little man. Bringing food along was the best thing I ever decided to do because the girls snacked on that stuff all day and didn't whine about food. Had we stopped for food we never would have made it.
We made it to our hotel at 8pm, I ate a little bit of Mcdonalds and then we crashed............
The next morning we wake up at 5 and realize we never got the truck weighed, while full, *CRAPPP* so we can get reimbursed for the move.... We also found out that there were NO weight scales on our route that day. So hubs got ready and drove back 45 mins to the last weight scale, weighed the truck and then drove 45mins to us. By that time I had the girls all ready to go and we left. The second day wasn't as bad just lots of 50mph and road construction. In case you are wondering, the route from El Paso to Kansas is the more baren, annoying, obnoxious route EVER!
We make it into the city limits and our "fun" didn't stop. "Stupid truck" wouldn't accelerate...and "stupid truck" died...on the highway. So there I was with a cranky baby, a Penske truck ahead of me, sitting in a dead truck 3 exits from our house. 3...freaking..exits. Although I am thankful that it died that close,Hubs mom was close as were my parents and both came to save the day. But really........... truck makes it from El Paso to the city limits and then dies? It couldn't wait like 5 more minutes and save me a $75 towing fee.
"Stupid truck" is still dead... and "stupid truck" is actually on its way to the shop now.. @#$#*&*##&$# I hate that stupid truck!
And then we got to................... The house............ da da duuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Stay tuned for that ongoing saga tomorrow........... :-)
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