New Girl In School

In just over 3 weeks we will start Terminal leave. Our active Military life will be done.   I am nowhere near ready. My house is still in full functional order, I haven't made to do lists..which is a must, I haven't started deep cleaning the apartment, I really *ought* to buy big girls birthday presents and school supplies while we are here because once we move she starts school the next week and in that week we'll have an appointment or two for little guy plus unpacking and job hunting, and registering for school, so it'd be much easier if I'd just do all that now.   I have nothing packed.  I have no trailers reserved. I don't even have a place to call home once we get there.  I have nothing done. Here's the funny thing, I don't care to either because I know that even if I don't start for a week and a half, I'll still get it all done because it's what I do. I'm Hooah.

Im in denial. I don't think it'll actually happen. I'm gonna miss this life. I'm going to miss my "sisters", I'm going to miss seeing hubs in ACU's, I'm going to miss watching homecomings.  I'm going to miss my SISTERS! (yes, I said it twice)  I don't even know if I will fit in with other wives..I've never been a Civilian wife. Which sounds crazy for me to say, I sound like a crazy person because there's no difference between Civilian wives and Military wives..is there?    I'm starting to feel like a fish out of water.  My life is completely changing.   Will I be accepted in this crazy civilan life? I'm no nonsense, independent to a fault, say what I think...that's me. I don't whine when my husband leaves for 2 weeks.  I don't weep if he has to work nights. I've unpacked a house in a day being 2 months pregnant and throwing up. I've hosted a BBQ a week after I had a baby, who spent a total of 5 days in the hospital.   I've thrown together a huge FRG Christmas party with just the help of one other person in the span of a week...during the holidays..in which I was hosting Christmas at my house.  Will I be accepted?  I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I don't stand for stupid.

I'm not taking down my Army Wife pictures and plaques.. I don't have to, do I?  I'll still be an Army wife to the core..right?  

I guess the point in all this incoherant rambling is that I'm scared. Really scared. I'm excited yet scared. I'm excited to not have to deal with the politics, I'm excited to not have to deal with deployments, I'm excited to go back to Kansas..I want to learn to Can.. because that's whatcha do, so I wanna do that so I can fit in...I want to grow a garden..Ok, nevermind, I don't. 

I feel like the new girl in school.