Learning How To Be A Christian

It was almost 3 years ago that my life changed.    I had always grown up in church.  Identified as a christian but I never really enjoyed church, never really felt "safe" there.  I found the hypocrisy distasteful, I found the "throw suchnsuch under the bus via pulpit" distasteful, things I had shared in confidence were blasted in front of all or I was made fun of.  It wasn't a safe place, it wasn't a happy place for me.  I never felt like I fit in, because of family past.  I wasn't in the clique.  You'd see a fellow church member at the store and they turn the other way to ignore you.  You offend someone accidentally, and you're done for.  It was really sad.   Then I got married and move to Texas and we kinda fell out of church... sure, we tried a few times... but even then I was chastised via pulpit for wearing pants or how I looked, my piercings or tattoos, or knowing I was engaged, the Pastors daughter tried to hook up with my to-be husband when he did the gentlemanly thing and gave her a ride home and then played nice to my face.  It wasn't a Christ-like atmosphere  so we stopped and frankly, the Army friends we hung out with were WAY more real and way more legit than any Christian I had encountered.  Sure they had their faults, they had their issues..but they tried and never stabbed you in the back.

I'm a very -real- person.  I expect honesty, respect, kindness.  I expect to be treated how I treat others.  I expect to not be gossiped about for things that happened generations before me. I believe in being kind to others regardless of how they look or dress or act.

Then almost 3 years ago we walked into a thrift store looking for furniture for our new house. We had just moved to Wichita and had downsized prior to moving.   Working in that thrift store was a man with a beard, covered in tattoos, wife beater shirt on.. and frankly, I didn't wanna make him mad.   Josh and him started talking and he ending up giving us a card and told us "You should come check out our church on Sunday.. I'm the pastor"   Josh and I said "ya maybe".. and we left.. I looked at Josh and my mouth dropped open.. "HE'S the pastor??  Okay. we -have- to go check this out"   and thus our journey began and I Healed in ways I didn't know possible.   We went once and told Joshs parents "STOP what you are doing! You HAVE to come check out this church"

That man.. that we met.. .is the kindest, gentlest, funniest, man.  His wife is incredible and one of my BEST friends now, she knows some of my deepest secrets..stuff that'd make others run.. and she never batted an eye.  I was 100% accepted.   Their children are the cutest, sweetest, MOST adorable kids I think I've ever met.  Their family, that lives out of state, has loved and accepted us after meeting us once.

We walked into that church and we didn't receive handshakes.. we received hugs.  People who we had never met before hugged us and loved on our kids, invited us in, welcomed us with open arms, handed us food, coffee, water.. asked us about ourselves.  After knowing me for an hour I was told "You're a good mom, I can see that" I had a 5 month old who was gearing up for another surgery and man..I desperately needed to hear that.   We were hooked.  We were officially part of an Urban church plant.   In our 18 months there we saw almost every walk of life.  Made life-long friends. We connected with World Impact Wichita (their parent church), We met more amazing, loving, kind, generous, giving people.    We were loved and shown Christ in a way we'd never experienced before.  There were no cliques. We were a family.  I finally understood "church family" We started helping out and became active members. It opened my eyes to the Urban poor and gave me such a soft spot in my heart.  The urban poor community are some of the kindest, most real people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  I saw things that brought me to tears. I saw things that filled my heart with more joy than I can express.  I saw things that angered me.  I've heard things that have made me weep inside. Nobody gossiped about it.  Nobody looked badly upon them.  They were loved and accepted and helped!

After we moved to Hutch, due to Joshs work schedule I had to bow out and become a "remote member"  I'll always identify as part of the CTV family.  I couldn't drive weekly with 3 kids by myself to church and back an hour away. It took a huge toll on me. I'm no help to anyone if I am stressed, tired, and worn out.  We've been church hopping for 2 years now and .... I'm still not happy.   It pains me to not have my CTV family every week.  To not be able to reach out and love on them and give to them is hard.  Every Sunday I wish I were with my CTV family.   I've made friends from every walk of life.  I've been shown who Christ is through ex-cons, the homeless, a lady  in a batman costume and many many more.   Not once have I ever been judged for who I am or how I look. Not once have I felt bad for who I am or where I came from.  You think you're going into being a part of an urban church plant and you're going to be Christ to them, You're going to be the bright spot in their life...... for me, the exact opposite is true.   I'm not laying everyones business out but I've been changed by many, many people.. maybe even people who had no clue that they impacted me.  My kids have been impacted and shown to love all..despite flaws or choices. To love those that look and act differently than they do.
I've learned that I don't need to preach down anyone's throat.  I'm gonna be me.  You be you.  Let me serve you and love you for who you are and  let me meet you where you're at.  I don't need to condemn people for their choices or life.  That's not my job and frankly, it makes me look bad.


I learned what being a Christian is and now that we are hopping around "traditional" churches... They just don't measure up to what I experienced.

I've learned what it means to be Christ to someone.  I've learned what it means to serve.  To give.  When I look back our time in Wichita was the time in my life I grew and changed the most.

3 Things You didn't Know About My Boy

Here we are.. 3 years old.  I have never seen a more adorable, sweet, funny, thoughtful 3 year old in my life.  I was way beyond blessed with my boy.
He's started preschool and he has just excelled.  Prior to preschool he wouldn't play with his toys. He would hold them or line them up or dump out the toybox but actual play never happened and after being in preschool for 2 weeks I caught him laying in his room all alone, playing with his toys. It's still not a perfect science and it doesn't happen consistently yet but nothing with kids is a perfect science.
His preschool wouldn't give him speech therapy during the summer so after speaking with his Dr we are getting ready to start speech therapy at the hospital here in town.  We will also be evaluating for sensory therapy.   He's started to really show a lot of sensory issues and his Dr. agreed.  It's time to take some steps and see what is going on.  I remember as a baby he was so over stimulated at times.. he would just fuss and cry.  I would have to swaddle him up and take him into a dark bedroom with a fan on and rock him until he was calm.

Speech-wise... Things aren't great.  They really haven't changed much, honestly. I know 1 year olds that talk more than him.   It's pretty much been decided he has speech apraxia. Apraxia is a neurological issue that prevents the brain from letting the words come out of his mouth.  He knows exactly what he wants to say, he just can't make the words come out of his mouth.  There are two types of Apraxia.  Childhood Apraxia and "Apraxia" ... Childhood apraxia resolves itself by 10-12 years of age, WITH intense therapy.  Apraxia does not ever get better even with therapy.   You CAN conquer Apraxia but the ONLY way is intense speech therapy.   His preschool knows this and still wouldn't give him summer therapy because "It's just speech"  So I found other avenues.  As of yet the frequency isn't what I would like but I am willing to wait that out and see if I can't get it moved up more.  If not, I'll go somewhere else.

So anyway, in honor of my boys 3rd year of life here are 3 things You didn't know about Wesley! :-)


1) You cannot punish a child for a tantrum due to frustration at not being able to speak.  Welcome to the very fine line of parenting.  After every tantrum I have to evaluate "What is he trying to say?" "What is frustrating him that he cannot express?"  OR is this a blatant attitude/disrespect/anger. Think of how many tantrums a toddler has per day... your average toddler... Now imagine a toddler that has SO much to say, but cannot.   Imagine yourself wanting to express your wants/needs/desires/opinions but you can't. Wouldn't you get so frustrated that you'd kick and scream?  I know I would. Wesley probably has double the tantrums that a "Normal" toddler has..just due to not being able to vocally express what he needs or -us- not understanding what he is trying to say.  The goal is to try to get him to talk,  if I associate a punishment for every tantrum when all he wants to do is say something, but can't I'll end up crushing his spirit.  When a tantrum or an outburst starts if I take a breath and calmly take 2 minutes to try to figure out what he needs/wants the tantrum 99% of the time, subsides.  Imagine, as a parent, dealing with a normal 3 year old and his tantrums.. it's exhausting.  Now, imagine having double the tantrums, at least, and having to sit there and analyze each one.  "What's he trying to say" "What is bothering him" "Is he in pain?"  or  "Is this direct, defiant disobedience and anger"   It's extremely, utterly mentally exhausting.  And most days by the end of the day my brain is fried.  Now, this isn't to say he has free reign and can do what he likes.  Regardless of a tantrum we still have "consequences" for when something happens.   More often than not I try to intercept before a tantrum gets bad.. If I can't.. he goes to "calm down" in his room.  Punishing doesn't help. Spankings won't help.   We -do- sit down and I talk to him about how I understand he was trying to say something but  (stomping/throwing/screaming) is not an appropriate way to say something so he needs to slow down and use what he knows to tell mama what he needs.  He does use sign language and we're to the point that *Most* things he'd ever need to say, he knows a sign for it, but, like many of us, default when you're frustrated, is anger.  So please don't think he gets off free and acts however.. he doesn't. My rules and techniques are just a bit different than when I raised my girls.  Every child is different and if you have one level playing field for life, you'll fail.

2) You cannot punish for a sensory overload.   Wesleys sensory issues usually come in the form of food.  He won't eat, foods he once liked he hates now, textures, etc  or overload where he does something repeatedly and often times it's something really annoying.   Shutting a door over and over. Hitting a toy on a table/floor, ect.   I don't punish for that.  Some may think I am crazy but the issue is not him being a nuisance or being a trouble maker.  He's stressed. He's overloaded and repeatedly doing something calms him.  Normally I try to scoop him up and take him to a quiet spot and let him calm down and sometimes I let him get it out of his system.  
There was a situation awhile back where we were with a big group of people that he didn't know and he was way overloaded the WHOLE time.  I took him away time and time again. J and I both took him on walks. We sat quietly away from everyone..but every time we weren't diverting him, he was opening/shutting a door and at about 3 hours in I was exhausted. Mentally and physically. and I was embarrassed.  Nobody else understood. They had no idea and  They probably thought I wasn't dealing with it or I was being lazy and letting him be annoying but that wasn't the case at all.   I did everything I knew to do, especially considering we haven't even started sensory therapy yet, and it didn't work.   It was exhausting and emotionally draining.

3) Enough of this heavy stuff.... for our finale ... Wesley LOVES to sing.  I'll sing to him and then pause and he will follow with "Yah yah yah yaaahhh"  in a sing-song voice.  The tone is wrong, the words are wrong but he is singing and it makes me so happy!   He doesn't do it a lot but when it does happen, it's amazing.


Happy 3 years to my amazing boy!!!! I hope to make amazing strides this year and remember, my son, Mama will NEVER ever give up on you!