Our goal at the beginning of the year was to get out of debt. Completely, once and for all. We have dreams for our family. Houses, College for our kids, Giving to others.
Military to Civilian change, job changes, moves, a son with special needs all derailed us, financially. We started using bits and pieces of Dave Ramsey's system. We used a Dave Ramsey budget format to track where our money is going. We have started using the Debt Snowball. You can read more about that here.
Another big change we are doing is using the Envelope System. Check that out here. I love, love, love, the envelope system! I really didn't figure I would like it. I even doubted it would work and I definitely didn't realize the freedom it gives me!! Imagine that! A system of assigning and budgeting and making money go in a certain place is actually freeing instead of spending willy nilly on whatever I wanted and then having "OOPS" moments when we run out of money before the month is over!!! I now don't have to feel guilty about saying "Let's go out for ice-cream" Because I have money set in our "Entertainment" envelope. I don't have to stress or worry about "Oh the kids need new jeans! Where's that money going to come from?" because I already have money stashed away in the "clothing" envelope.
I looked at our budget and decided 10-15 things that were important to us as a family. Like Christmas money and yearly car registration and school supplies. Doesn't everyone cringe every year in August when you have to pay those school dues and buy all those supplies? I don't! Because in August I will have enough saved up to not have to worry at all about where it's going to come from. I'm going to have 2 kids in all day school this next year, I need all the help I can get! We are starting to sloowwwllyyy build an Emergency Fund. It's tough some months. We don't always have a lot to stash away so we just pray we don't need those funds soon. We are able to give like never before!! Thank you gifts. We are able to do surprise dates and give to each other, as husband and wife, Taking my family out to lunch to thank them for all their help the past year! We are able to do all that stuff now because we have a plan!
Another big step we made about 18 months ago was to not use credit cards. In fact, I don't even know where one of our cards is, even. One is stashed in a hiding spot and the other... yaa I'm not sure where it's at. I know it's in the house somewhere. We do not keep them on us. It's too tempting to use. If we needed or wanted something and we were out of money until payday, we waited. We don't buy things unless we have the money in our hands! Things change. Situations change. I can't go out and spend money on something when I don't actually possess the cash. It's just not smart!
We encountered a situation a few days ago where we needed to get a rental vehicle due to ours needing to be in the shop. They wanted us to use a credit card. I refused. I specifically had money set aside in our checking account to pay for it. I didn't want to add onto our credit card (ok..and I couldn't find it, haha) but honestly, it was more because of the fact we made a commitment to not use a credit card! Just to pay with my debit card..which had the money... I had to provide them with utility bills, drivers licenses, account numbers, and all kinds of nonsense. Just to pay them with the cash I had in my account! I get it, it's hard. Not everyone has that cash stocked away... Neither did we!!! We've waited almost a year to get our car fixed until we did! We waited almost a year to get our vehicle fixed so that we could save up the money instead of just putting it on a credit card. I drove around for almost a year with a cracked windshield and dents all over my vehicle due to hail. It's a commitment!
This is part of how we survive on one income. It's not always easy. We mess up. We don't always get what we want when we want it but the pay offs for following this plan and the payoffs for sticking to it are HUGE!
Some months are easier. Some we struggle a bit more but it's a commitment we've made. To live better. To set an example for our kids.
The freedom is amazing! Being on a cash only basis is amazing! We've bought our kids bunk beds. Cash. We've paid off a credit card. Cash. We've payed off Hubs truck. Cash. I bought myself a fun Kindle Fire. Cash. We've bought a new bed for Hubs and I. Cash! It's an amazing feeling!
If you'd like more information on Dave Ramsey's system you can check it out here!
If it seems overwhelming and you don't know where to start, my suggestion, Just start. Sit down, pour through your bills, see what you can cut or change and make a plan!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
A Challenge
In 2010-2011 I lost almost 50lbs. Not by any fad diet or any new pill. It was from blood, sweat, and tears. Pushing myself until I couldn't walk. Watching what I ate. Going to the gym at least an hour a day. Every day. I worked my butt off, literally. I felt amazing. I was in the best shape of my life. I had tons of energy. I felt great about myself. My stress was minimal. All this during a time when my husband was deployed so I was 100% everything, 100% of the time and we were having marital issues. Exercise saved me!
Then I got pregnant and I gained some of it back. Then I had Wesley and while he was the most amazing blessing -ever-, it's very stressful dealing with a special needs child. I didn't have the freedom to continue my work outs. So I gained a bit more back. We were gifted a gym membership and I started losing again, feeling great. Then we moved. I had to give up my membership. I left my amazing friends that I had made. I left my work out buddy. We had built a beautiful little life in 6 months and I had to leave that for a life that is also beautiful and amazing and I have no doubt we are here for a reason but way way more stressful. Instead of my husband being gone 8-4:30, He works 12-16 hours a day. Then Palate surgery happened. Then Wesley was handed the worst case of separation anxiety and that is still going on.. Me leaving him with someone besides my husband, myself, or my mom.. Not happening. Joining a gym is out of the question. I would no sooner get to the treadmill and I'd have to go back and pick him up from gym daycare.. This is so frustrating to me as a mom but at this point I'm not sure what to do. Going to the gym regularly is out of the question. My husband is always gone, I can't ask my mom to watch all 3 of my kids for 2 hours a day just to go to the gym. I can't put that type of burden her. So here I sit. I've gained back almost all of the weight. I'm not happy. I feel trapped. I'm stressed. I'm tired all the time. And frankly, they are all excuses. I believe there is more than one way to accomplish a goal. Sure, maybe I won't ever get into a gym (I LOOVE gyms) until Wesley goes to Kindergarten. Who knows. But at this point in his life my son went through a huge surgery and he now has a horrible case of separation anxiety and I don't know what to do about it. This isn't your run of the mill separation anxiety. So I don't have any 'run of the mill' ways out. I've been depressed. Depressed that I just made amazing friends and had to move an hour away. Depressed that I just got adjusted to a life and then had to change again. Depressed that I have had to be super mom to keep everything going lately. Depressed that I feel stuck and it's time to change that.
I know what my body needs. I know my body well enough to listen to it and know. This isn't about looking good. Wearing a size 2, or having the most toned thighs. This is about me. I need to be me again. Excuses don't get me there. Excuses get me deeper. Excuses don't boost my mood. Excuses don't make me feel better about myself. Excuses suck.
So here's what I need from you bloggy readers. My beautiful amazing bloggy readers. I have 2 Jillian Michaels DVD's. I know, it's corny. It really is but it's all I know to do right now. Gym daycares are out of the question. I have no solid, consistent, daily help. Heck, I don't even have much free time. So, here's what I am going to do, Every evening I am going to workout to one of those DVD's (Geesh...just saying it sounds so corny) One is a 30 minute shred and the other is 6 week 6 pack. And by the time I do both to completion it won't even be swimsuit season yet and I'll be shredded and 6 packed! So I need you bloggys to hold me to it! Ask me how I am doing. Ask me if I've done it yet tonight. The DVD's take no longer than 40 minutes to do. I spend longer than that deciding on what snack to eat nightly. There should be no reason for me to not do it!
This is not about losing weight, necessarily. It's not about being super super thin. It's for my peace of mind.
So, here we go! Hold me to this!!! Ready! Set! GO!
Then I got pregnant and I gained some of it back. Then I had Wesley and while he was the most amazing blessing -ever-, it's very stressful dealing with a special needs child. I didn't have the freedom to continue my work outs. So I gained a bit more back. We were gifted a gym membership and I started losing again, feeling great. Then we moved. I had to give up my membership. I left my amazing friends that I had made. I left my work out buddy. We had built a beautiful little life in 6 months and I had to leave that for a life that is also beautiful and amazing and I have no doubt we are here for a reason but way way more stressful. Instead of my husband being gone 8-4:30, He works 12-16 hours a day. Then Palate surgery happened. Then Wesley was handed the worst case of separation anxiety and that is still going on.. Me leaving him with someone besides my husband, myself, or my mom.. Not happening. Joining a gym is out of the question. I would no sooner get to the treadmill and I'd have to go back and pick him up from gym daycare.. This is so frustrating to me as a mom but at this point I'm not sure what to do. Going to the gym regularly is out of the question. My husband is always gone, I can't ask my mom to watch all 3 of my kids for 2 hours a day just to go to the gym. I can't put that type of burden her. So here I sit. I've gained back almost all of the weight. I'm not happy. I feel trapped. I'm stressed. I'm tired all the time. And frankly, they are all excuses. I believe there is more than one way to accomplish a goal. Sure, maybe I won't ever get into a gym (I LOOVE gyms) until Wesley goes to Kindergarten. Who knows. But at this point in his life my son went through a huge surgery and he now has a horrible case of separation anxiety and I don't know what to do about it. This isn't your run of the mill separation anxiety. So I don't have any 'run of the mill' ways out. I've been depressed. Depressed that I just made amazing friends and had to move an hour away. Depressed that I just got adjusted to a life and then had to change again. Depressed that I have had to be super mom to keep everything going lately. Depressed that I feel stuck and it's time to change that.
I know what my body needs. I know my body well enough to listen to it and know. This isn't about looking good. Wearing a size 2, or having the most toned thighs. This is about me. I need to be me again. Excuses don't get me there. Excuses get me deeper. Excuses don't boost my mood. Excuses don't make me feel better about myself. Excuses suck.
So here's what I need from you bloggy readers. My beautiful amazing bloggy readers. I have 2 Jillian Michaels DVD's. I know, it's corny. It really is but it's all I know to do right now. Gym daycares are out of the question. I have no solid, consistent, daily help. Heck, I don't even have much free time. So, here's what I am going to do, Every evening I am going to workout to one of those DVD's (Geesh...just saying it sounds so corny) One is a 30 minute shred and the other is 6 week 6 pack. And by the time I do both to completion it won't even be swimsuit season yet and I'll be shredded and 6 packed! So I need you bloggys to hold me to it! Ask me how I am doing. Ask me if I've done it yet tonight. The DVD's take no longer than 40 minutes to do. I spend longer than that deciding on what snack to eat nightly. There should be no reason for me to not do it!
This is not about losing weight, necessarily. It's not about being super super thin. It's for my peace of mind.
So, here we go! Hold me to this!!! Ready! Set! GO!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Why We Choose Public School
There's been a lot of talk lately about public vs. Private vs. home school. Which is better, which is worse, which will scar your children the most. When push comes to shove we can only make the best decisions for our family. The best decisions for our children. I'm not saying your way is perfect. I am not saying my way is perfect. Life ebbs and flows. Life changes. Decisions change. People change. Your children are not my children. Mine are not yours. Circumstances change. Life is not black and white. There is so much grey.
I personally had the experiences of public school and Home school. I was in public school until I was in 9th grade then from 9-12th I was home schooled. It worked well for me. I had the experience of public school, which I think is a great experience. Then I had the experience of home school which allowed me to study certain topics that specifically interested me, I was able to get a part time job, I was able to travel with my family and learn things that way. I couldn't be more pleased with how things turned out.
As a family, we choose public school right now. We choose public school from now until the unforeseen future. We do have plans to change districts at a certain time for our kids' sake. Now, will that change; possibly. It may. It may not. It's not something we are up late worrying about. When and if the time comes we will address it at that point. At this point in my life I am not a home school mom. *GASP* She said it!! I'm not. I'm a big enough person to say that I am a BETTER mom when I have time AWAY from my kids! *GASP* I can't believe she said that! Well, it's true! I am! I will ALWAYS be my kids' mom. I will ALWAYS parent my kids, but I am also a better mom when I have some time to myself. To delve into my hobbies and interests. Sure one can balance those with homeschooling but for me, in my life, I don't feel that I can do that right now. My husband doesn't work a normal 9-5, weekends off job. I carry a lot of the household duties and child care duties. I don't have the luxury to go off 2-3 nights a week for "me" time. Heck, I can't even find consistent time without children to go to the gym. I don't even have a solid block of time daily where everyone is asleep or having 'quiet time' I am literally mom from 6:30am until nearly 8pm. Constant mom. I need down time and school affords me that. It's what works for us. Now, that's not the sole reason we choose public school right now.
We choose public school because our children -are- exposed to things. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tossing a baggie of weed to my 1st grader and saying "here try this!" nor am I condoning it. There are certain things I want my children to be exposed to. Cultures/beliefs/ ideas/people and then those things are brought home and it is then my job as a parent to explain the behavior or choices and guide them to learn what is acceptable in our house and what isn't. It's my job to teach my kids what -we- believe. They come home and we discuss it. We discuss what was seen/heard. We talk about how that lines up with what we believe, and let me tell you, My oldest is only in 1st grade but she is on point. She knows behaviors that are not allowed of her, whether she is at school, the park, or home, Words not allowed. Actions not allowed. She knows. And it's my job as a mom to reinforce that and let that grow inside of her.
We had an instance with my 6 year old where she had seen or heard something at school, can't remember which, and it was bugging her but she didn't want to tell me for fear she would be in trouble. What an amazing learning opportunity. I got to sit down with her and talk to her and explain to her that she will never ever, ever, be in trouble for asking a question. -Any- questions are ok to ask because that is my job to be here to teach her and grow her and share experiences with her. I'm not the type of mom that says 'ohh that's bad. We don't ask questions like that" I believe, at her age, it's all honest curiosity and if I don't address that and explain to her about it and tell her "ehhh that's not a good thing to say/do/think" she will take it upon herself to learn.
At some point in my childs life they will have to fly. They will have to fly away and know how to deal with people from many walks of life. They need to be able to relate and be friends with people from many cultures and places. The thing I love most about my husband is that he is able to be friends and understand -anyone- He grew up in the ghettos of Tucson. He saw drug deals. He's been in the Army, in many states where he's dealt with people from every walk of life. He's been to Afghanistan and been around the nationals. He knows people. I want my children to have life experiences. I cannot keep them sheltered with me 100% of the time, if I did, then when they are older and "flying away" their wings would be weak. They wouldn't go far and they'll come back to momma. I want them to have strong wings. Life experiences. People experiences. I want to raise adults. Not big kids. Like I said, I've been home schooled and gone to public school, my husband has been to public, private, and home schooled. I'm not saying one is worse than the other, it's not! I have many AMAZING friends whose kids are home schooled or in Private school and they are incredible, smart, loving kids. Joys to be around. For me and my house, this is what works for us, though.
We choose public school because I'm not a teacher. The thought of instilling knowledge into my children terrifies me. To be the sole channel of knowledge for my children.
We choose to go the public school route because it works for us. Plain and Simple. Isn't that what life is all about? Choosing what works for you and your family? Isn't that the beauty of America? Everybody from all different walks of life and experiences chooses routes that best work for their families.
God Bless America!
I personally had the experiences of public school and Home school. I was in public school until I was in 9th grade then from 9-12th I was home schooled. It worked well for me. I had the experience of public school, which I think is a great experience. Then I had the experience of home school which allowed me to study certain topics that specifically interested me, I was able to get a part time job, I was able to travel with my family and learn things that way. I couldn't be more pleased with how things turned out.
As a family, we choose public school right now. We choose public school from now until the unforeseen future. We do have plans to change districts at a certain time for our kids' sake. Now, will that change; possibly. It may. It may not. It's not something we are up late worrying about. When and if the time comes we will address it at that point. At this point in my life I am not a home school mom. *GASP* She said it!! I'm not. I'm a big enough person to say that I am a BETTER mom when I have time AWAY from my kids! *GASP* I can't believe she said that! Well, it's true! I am! I will ALWAYS be my kids' mom. I will ALWAYS parent my kids, but I am also a better mom when I have some time to myself. To delve into my hobbies and interests. Sure one can balance those with homeschooling but for me, in my life, I don't feel that I can do that right now. My husband doesn't work a normal 9-5, weekends off job. I carry a lot of the household duties and child care duties. I don't have the luxury to go off 2-3 nights a week for "me" time. Heck, I can't even find consistent time without children to go to the gym. I don't even have a solid block of time daily where everyone is asleep or having 'quiet time' I am literally mom from 6:30am until nearly 8pm. Constant mom. I need down time and school affords me that. It's what works for us. Now, that's not the sole reason we choose public school right now.
We choose public school because our children -are- exposed to things. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tossing a baggie of weed to my 1st grader and saying "here try this!" nor am I condoning it. There are certain things I want my children to be exposed to. Cultures/beliefs/ ideas/people and then those things are brought home and it is then my job as a parent to explain the behavior or choices and guide them to learn what is acceptable in our house and what isn't. It's my job to teach my kids what -we- believe. They come home and we discuss it. We discuss what was seen/heard. We talk about how that lines up with what we believe, and let me tell you, My oldest is only in 1st grade but she is on point. She knows behaviors that are not allowed of her, whether she is at school, the park, or home, Words not allowed. Actions not allowed. She knows. And it's my job as a mom to reinforce that and let that grow inside of her.
We had an instance with my 6 year old where she had seen or heard something at school, can't remember which, and it was bugging her but she didn't want to tell me for fear she would be in trouble. What an amazing learning opportunity. I got to sit down with her and talk to her and explain to her that she will never ever, ever, be in trouble for asking a question. -Any- questions are ok to ask because that is my job to be here to teach her and grow her and share experiences with her. I'm not the type of mom that says 'ohh that's bad. We don't ask questions like that" I believe, at her age, it's all honest curiosity and if I don't address that and explain to her about it and tell her "ehhh that's not a good thing to say/do/think" she will take it upon herself to learn.
At some point in my childs life they will have to fly. They will have to fly away and know how to deal with people from many walks of life. They need to be able to relate and be friends with people from many cultures and places. The thing I love most about my husband is that he is able to be friends and understand -anyone- He grew up in the ghettos of Tucson. He saw drug deals. He's been in the Army, in many states where he's dealt with people from every walk of life. He's been to Afghanistan and been around the nationals. He knows people. I want my children to have life experiences. I cannot keep them sheltered with me 100% of the time, if I did, then when they are older and "flying away" their wings would be weak. They wouldn't go far and they'll come back to momma. I want them to have strong wings. Life experiences. People experiences. I want to raise adults. Not big kids. Like I said, I've been home schooled and gone to public school, my husband has been to public, private, and home schooled. I'm not saying one is worse than the other, it's not! I have many AMAZING friends whose kids are home schooled or in Private school and they are incredible, smart, loving kids. Joys to be around. For me and my house, this is what works for us, though.
We choose public school because I'm not a teacher. The thought of instilling knowledge into my children terrifies me. To be the sole channel of knowledge for my children.
We choose to go the public school route because it works for us. Plain and Simple. Isn't that what life is all about? Choosing what works for you and your family? Isn't that the beauty of America? Everybody from all different walks of life and experiences chooses routes that best work for their families.
God Bless America!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Tuesday's 10
At it again with Tuesday's 10!!
1. I LOVE planning parties! If I had unlimited resources I could plan one heck of a party!!
2. I love snow the day it falls. I hate snow the other subsequent days that it sticks around and makes my life difficult
3. In one month we will have been in this town and house longer than we have been ANYWHERE since 2011. That's sad.
4. Cooking is a labor of love. I love cooking. I cook for my family to show them I love them. If I have cooked for you... I love you. Cooking is how I show love. (baking also)
5. Fresh Mozzarella cheese makes me swooooonnn
6. I love being the first one to get Wesley out of bed because then I receive the first good morning hug.
7. Budgets thrill me.
8. Is it spring yet??
9. The 3 key broke on the keyboard. This makes me sad. 3 is my lucky number
10. I don't wear a lot of make-up because I feel like I look like a clown..and I hate clowns. True story.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Strong
I'm going to try to get back into this. A wise friend of mine has said 'You never know how far your pebble will reach" I don't know who I may reach or who I may impact with my words. I want to be an example. I want to say "LOOK! I did this! I got through this! YOU can too, because you are STRONG" I have amazing friends in my life who keep me going. Who spur me forward. Who are there to say "You got this!" when I feel that I don't. I am blessed to have these strong, amazing women in my life. I -need- them. They call me on it when I'm acting whiny. They lift me when I'm sad. They encourage me when I'm down and they rejoice with me when I rejoice! Everyone needs a friend they can go to when they need to hear real, honest advice..even when it may not be what they -want- to hear. I am blessed to have amazing, strong women in my life. I'm a strong person by habit. Not nature. I didn't used to utilize my "strength". I say "utilize" because I believe everybody has it inside of them to be strong butt-kicking women. You just need to awaken it!
Growing up I always had someone to "fix" things for me .I always had that person to make it better. I never had to stand alone on my own two feet. I never had to figure it out by myself. I'm not saying this negatively. It was fact. I am THANKFUL for always being taken care of. Then I got married and moved 500 miles away from my family. Yes I was with my "To be" husband but I wasn't with who I had always been with and it was a culture shock. I was in a huge town, compared to the small 40,000 people town I grew up in, Then, 3 months later my one solid "support", my husband, left for a year. I was alone and on my own, so to speak, everything left up to me for the first time in my life. I had to figure out how to do it all by myself. I had to figure out how life worked. I had no clue. I had to care for a household, pay all the bills, do everything, on my own when just 5 months before I had no rent, no bills except car insurance, and I had a family to lean on. I went through a time of huge depression. I had no clue what to do. I had people make fun of me because I was clueless. But honestly, I had never lived alone, nobody to fall back on, ever. I was really depressed and felt I had nobody to lean on. No support. I had no friends. No family. No husband. No clue.
I had to suck it up and be strong. I had to find ways. I had to ask questions with the chance I would get made fun of, I had to take chances, which totally went outside my comfort zone. I am an introvert. I don't like being made fun of or feeling embarrassed. If a person want's to alienate me the fastest then embarrass me in front of others.
You see, I'm not strong because I wanted to be. I'm strong because I -had- to be. I'm strong because it's a way of life now. Sure, it would have been dandy to have someone make me dinner nightly and fawn over me and rub my feet in the evening, and take care of everything, but that's not what I was dealt in life. I have it in me to be a STRONG warrior, I just had to awaken that. YOU do too! I wouldn't change who I am today for who I was. I know that I can survive anything. I can withstand anything. I can be anything.
You have the strength to deal with whatever is thrown your way. Find friends that uplift you and make you stronger. Ditch those that let you play "victim" too much. You need people in your corner. In your corner does't mean that they will always agree with you, it means that even when you need to hear the hard words they follow it with "I'm here. always. You got this" Because you do.
Growing up I always had someone to "fix" things for me .I always had that person to make it better. I never had to stand alone on my own two feet. I never had to figure it out by myself. I'm not saying this negatively. It was fact. I am THANKFUL for always being taken care of. Then I got married and moved 500 miles away from my family. Yes I was with my "To be" husband but I wasn't with who I had always been with and it was a culture shock. I was in a huge town, compared to the small 40,000 people town I grew up in, Then, 3 months later my one solid "support", my husband, left for a year. I was alone and on my own, so to speak, everything left up to me for the first time in my life. I had to figure out how to do it all by myself. I had to figure out how life worked. I had no clue. I had to care for a household, pay all the bills, do everything, on my own when just 5 months before I had no rent, no bills except car insurance, and I had a family to lean on. I went through a time of huge depression. I had no clue what to do. I had people make fun of me because I was clueless. But honestly, I had never lived alone, nobody to fall back on, ever. I was really depressed and felt I had nobody to lean on. No support. I had no friends. No family. No husband. No clue.
I had to suck it up and be strong. I had to find ways. I had to ask questions with the chance I would get made fun of, I had to take chances, which totally went outside my comfort zone. I am an introvert. I don't like being made fun of or feeling embarrassed. If a person want's to alienate me the fastest then embarrass me in front of others.
You see, I'm not strong because I wanted to be. I'm strong because I -had- to be. I'm strong because it's a way of life now. Sure, it would have been dandy to have someone make me dinner nightly and fawn over me and rub my feet in the evening, and take care of everything, but that's not what I was dealt in life. I have it in me to be a STRONG warrior, I just had to awaken that. YOU do too! I wouldn't change who I am today for who I was. I know that I can survive anything. I can withstand anything. I can be anything.
You have the strength to deal with whatever is thrown your way. Find friends that uplift you and make you stronger. Ditch those that let you play "victim" too much. You need people in your corner. In your corner does't mean that they will always agree with you, it means that even when you need to hear the hard words they follow it with "I'm here. always. You got this" Because you do.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Palate Surgery
I know I don't keep up with this like I should... Life happens. I did want to blog about palate surgery though. I want to have it to remember, I want Wesley to be able to read it if he wants. His first 2 surgeries were fairly uneventful (lip adhesion and lip repair)... ya know..as uneventful as surgery on a 4-6 month old could be. Palate surgery, was another ball game. I had always dreaded it. The thought brought me to tears. The research I had done, stories I had heard from those who had been through it. It scared me. Big time! Alas palate surgery day came.... I got how I always am before he goes in for pre op at 5am. Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. Don't make jokes. Don't look at me. Don't you DARE suggest going to get food. and Don't LEAVE ME! I'm stoic. I block everything out. It's a normal day at the peds pre op at 5am. I begged them to give him some "happy meds" to relax him. I didn't know if he would have issues leaving me when they took him back but I didn't want to take that chance. Most times he fall asleep in Pre op after they have done all the tests etc and I got to sit there and hold him and snuggle him until it was time for him to go to surgery. All to soon they come and get him and I have to hand him off to them and they leave. I hated it every time. Then we grabbed some food, not because I am hungry, but because I know it'll be the only time that I eat a decent meal until we leave the hospital. I still haven't figured out how to manage caring for a baby after surgery plus eating..so I don't eat. Wesley's cleft was large. We were told to expect lots of pain and a long recovery.
His surgery lasted a couple hours I think ? It happened too quickly for me. I wanted it to last all day. I wasn't ready to care for him after palate surgery. I anticipated how rough it would be. I wanted him to stay with them and have sleepy meds. They came out and I was called into the hall and there he was laying there, trying to fuss. The sight of him broke my heart. Inside his mouth specifically. I won't go into details. We trucked up to Peds. Me, Josh, Wesley in my arms, 2 nurses, carts, cords, IV, monitors.. Like a hospital train. When he got to the room he started having a reaction to some of the meds he was given. He was screaming and crying and nothing would make him stop. I rocked and moved around as much as possible when you are attached to 4 cords and IV's but nothing helped.. I had heard to wear a dark shirt.. I sorta listened and wore a green sweatshirt.. I wish I had REALLY listened or brought a change of clothes. I was a mess. He cried and cried and twisted and moaned and was just generally unhappy. I begged them to give him more pain meds, which, of course took way longer than it should have. He was given 3 different meds to try to counteract the meds he was given in surgery along with pain meds. They essentially doped him up so much he passed out which is what was needed until his body could process all the "yucky" meds. I was a basket case. My whole body was shaking with emotion. It took about a couple hours to get everything under control. I was one big emotional, stoic, mess. Every time I tried to move or pass him to Josh to get a breath of air he cried. So I stayed. The whole rest of the day was spent sliding jello off a spoon into his mouth, careful not to touch ANY part of his mouth. Take jello on a plastic spoon and carefully drop it into a hole the size of a quarter, making sure not to touch any part of the hole. That's what I was dealing with. We alternated that and dropping water into his mouth..drop by drop. That whole day stunk. I couldn't move or put him down. I had to fight the nurses on the fact that he needed his no-nos. Arm immobilizers that keep him from touching his mouth. That was a HUGE HUGE fight. Dr wanted them, Nurses didn't. blah blah blah. That's exactly what a mom wants to do when her child, after having surgery, is constantly crying and in pain.
Finally around 5pm when Joshs' parents came Wesley let papa hold him. So that was a nice reprieve. Plus they brought me a new shirt. I was so emotionally exhausted. So badly that I was shaking. I was definitely the "chosen one". All Wesley wanted was me. And all I wanted was to eat and have some coffee and a good cry. There's no time for crying at this point.
Josh and I usually take turns at night so that we can get at least a few hours of good rest. I took first shift. I had to hold Wesley the whole time. Trying my hardest not to fall asleep holding him (The hospital get cranky when that happens) It was difficult to say to least. I was exhausted. We were told there were no more parent beds and the 'Nice hospital chair" was all we'd get. Things really turned around when a family friend ended up being our nurse. She found a parent bed so at least we could lay down a bit. Brought us food. Kept slushies coming for Wesley. She was a God send! He finally made a turn around at about 1-2am, when Josh was there. Then by 6am he was eating scrambled egg..MAJOR victory. So we got to go home.
The hour long trip home went well, considering. We had to limit his crying for fear of ruining everything. At home for the first 24 hours he lived on my chest. That first night was spent with him on my chest sleeping and me dozing on the couch. I was going on 48 hours of very little rest and major emotional mess! Day 2 was better. He at least slept in his bed that night. The next 2 weeks were full of ups and downs. Good days, bad days, easy days, painful days. I was exhausted. I couldn't figure out how to manage 2 other kids plus him. Getting them to school, home from school. Let alone make dinner.
Everyone assumes that since you are home and he is sleeping at night that things are peachy. They aren't. I had a baby who wanted to be held constantly, I had a husband who was gone a lot, I had 2 other kids to care for plus get to and from school. Not even considering him, his pain, his recovery, There are the emotions mom/dad goes through. Mom has been put through the emotional wringer. Having to hold it all together during all that. Now mom has to hold it together at home because "life goes on" Josh was in police academy and was gone most of the time and I had to somehow manage 3 kids, one in school, one recovering from a big surgery. I was overwhelmed. Big time. The struggles don't end when you get home. It took about 2 weeks, two long weeks, for him to really start acting like himself. I was never so happy as I was when he started acting like himself. At this point it looks like we are surgery free until he is 6-7. At that point he will have his gum line fixed, via bone graft,taken from his hip, and the remaining hole in his palate will then be fixed.
If you know someone whose child has special needs/surgeries/hospitalization, or even just sick with the flu, Help that mom out! Don't assume she's "got it". Make them dinner..not just the first few days, a week later.
Offer to take other kids to school, sports, cheer leading, whatever it may be. Offer to come vacuum, or do laundry for her. As mothers, we can't always 'let things go' especially if we've been in the hospital for 2-3 days or weeks even. People need clothes washed, People need dishes done, People need vacuuming done, When all attention is on the sick or post surgery child, the other children need attention. Something as simple as bringing over some coloring books or Play-dough for them works WONDERS. Offer to come over after all the kids are asleep and let mom and dad take a walk or get coffee.. heck, let them just go sit in their car in the driveway and be in the quiet. A huge misconception is that hospitals send people home after surgery when they are all better. Not true. They send people home when they are stable and eating. All a person has to do to go home is eat/drink/go to the bathroom. There's major recovery done at home.
I am so blessed to have my boy! There was a time when I didn't know if we would ever have any more kids. I would go through everything 2 times over again if it meant I got to see my boy smile and laugh with me. Best thing we've ever done is to have that boy!
His surgery lasted a couple hours I think ? It happened too quickly for me. I wanted it to last all day. I wasn't ready to care for him after palate surgery. I anticipated how rough it would be. I wanted him to stay with them and have sleepy meds. They came out and I was called into the hall and there he was laying there, trying to fuss. The sight of him broke my heart. Inside his mouth specifically. I won't go into details. We trucked up to Peds. Me, Josh, Wesley in my arms, 2 nurses, carts, cords, IV, monitors.. Like a hospital train. When he got to the room he started having a reaction to some of the meds he was given. He was screaming and crying and nothing would make him stop. I rocked and moved around as much as possible when you are attached to 4 cords and IV's but nothing helped.. I had heard to wear a dark shirt.. I sorta listened and wore a green sweatshirt.. I wish I had REALLY listened or brought a change of clothes. I was a mess. He cried and cried and twisted and moaned and was just generally unhappy. I begged them to give him more pain meds, which, of course took way longer than it should have. He was given 3 different meds to try to counteract the meds he was given in surgery along with pain meds. They essentially doped him up so much he passed out which is what was needed until his body could process all the "yucky" meds. I was a basket case. My whole body was shaking with emotion. It took about a couple hours to get everything under control. I was one big emotional, stoic, mess. Every time I tried to move or pass him to Josh to get a breath of air he cried. So I stayed. The whole rest of the day was spent sliding jello off a spoon into his mouth, careful not to touch ANY part of his mouth. Take jello on a plastic spoon and carefully drop it into a hole the size of a quarter, making sure not to touch any part of the hole. That's what I was dealing with. We alternated that and dropping water into his mouth..drop by drop. That whole day stunk. I couldn't move or put him down. I had to fight the nurses on the fact that he needed his no-nos. Arm immobilizers that keep him from touching his mouth. That was a HUGE HUGE fight. Dr wanted them, Nurses didn't. blah blah blah. That's exactly what a mom wants to do when her child, after having surgery, is constantly crying and in pain.
Finally around 5pm when Joshs' parents came Wesley let papa hold him. So that was a nice reprieve. Plus they brought me a new shirt. I was so emotionally exhausted. So badly that I was shaking. I was definitely the "chosen one". All Wesley wanted was me. And all I wanted was to eat and have some coffee and a good cry. There's no time for crying at this point.
Josh and I usually take turns at night so that we can get at least a few hours of good rest. I took first shift. I had to hold Wesley the whole time. Trying my hardest not to fall asleep holding him (The hospital get cranky when that happens) It was difficult to say to least. I was exhausted. We were told there were no more parent beds and the 'Nice hospital chair" was all we'd get. Things really turned around when a family friend ended up being our nurse. She found a parent bed so at least we could lay down a bit. Brought us food. Kept slushies coming for Wesley. She was a God send! He finally made a turn around at about 1-2am, when Josh was there. Then by 6am he was eating scrambled egg..MAJOR victory. So we got to go home.
The hour long trip home went well, considering. We had to limit his crying for fear of ruining everything. At home for the first 24 hours he lived on my chest. That first night was spent with him on my chest sleeping and me dozing on the couch. I was going on 48 hours of very little rest and major emotional mess! Day 2 was better. He at least slept in his bed that night. The next 2 weeks were full of ups and downs. Good days, bad days, easy days, painful days. I was exhausted. I couldn't figure out how to manage 2 other kids plus him. Getting them to school, home from school. Let alone make dinner.
Everyone assumes that since you are home and he is sleeping at night that things are peachy. They aren't. I had a baby who wanted to be held constantly, I had a husband who was gone a lot, I had 2 other kids to care for plus get to and from school. Not even considering him, his pain, his recovery, There are the emotions mom/dad goes through. Mom has been put through the emotional wringer. Having to hold it all together during all that. Now mom has to hold it together at home because "life goes on" Josh was in police academy and was gone most of the time and I had to somehow manage 3 kids, one in school, one recovering from a big surgery. I was overwhelmed. Big time. The struggles don't end when you get home. It took about 2 weeks, two long weeks, for him to really start acting like himself. I was never so happy as I was when he started acting like himself. At this point it looks like we are surgery free until he is 6-7. At that point he will have his gum line fixed, via bone graft,taken from his hip, and the remaining hole in his palate will then be fixed.
If you know someone whose child has special needs/surgeries/hospitalization, or even just sick with the flu, Help that mom out! Don't assume she's "got it". Make them dinner..not just the first few days, a week later.
Offer to take other kids to school, sports, cheer leading, whatever it may be. Offer to come vacuum, or do laundry for her. As mothers, we can't always 'let things go' especially if we've been in the hospital for 2-3 days or weeks even. People need clothes washed, People need dishes done, People need vacuuming done, When all attention is on the sick or post surgery child, the other children need attention. Something as simple as bringing over some coloring books or Play-dough for them works WONDERS. Offer to come over after all the kids are asleep and let mom and dad take a walk or get coffee.. heck, let them just go sit in their car in the driveway and be in the quiet. A huge misconception is that hospitals send people home after surgery when they are all better. Not true. They send people home when they are stable and eating. All a person has to do to go home is eat/drink/go to the bathroom. There's major recovery done at home.
I am so blessed to have my boy! There was a time when I didn't know if we would ever have any more kids. I would go through everything 2 times over again if it meant I got to see my boy smile and laugh with me. Best thing we've ever done is to have that boy!
Friday, July 19, 2013
Listen to Your Woman!
Don't cha hate it when you know you are right and nobody will listen to you?? You would think my family members would realize by now that most times I am right and to just appease me.
Our A/C was running constantly. I'm talking 2-3 hours at a time and I had to go turn the degree up just so that it would stop because the constant "whirrrr" of the A/C was making my head spin. I told BD something was wrong. "Oh, the AC just isn't big enough for the house, it's really hot out" Hot, my booty. It was only 95-100 degrees during the day. Yes, hot, but not hot enough to where it should be running constantly day and night. You can't convince me of that. Four different people tried telling me it was just "too hot"
BD finally got tired of me nagging and had the landlady send an AC guy out. "AC is in perfect condition... it's just hot outside. The AC is working hard, dear sweet blond girl" (Ok, I made that part about the blond girl up) Fine. whatever.
Still the AC ran... constant.. a nagging whir in my ear that made me want to poke my eye balls out.
"Hon..something is wrong..it's 10pm and 75 degrees outside and the AC is still going"
"It's fine... It's just not big enough for the house"
"I think something else is wrong"
"it's fine" says the big man of the house.... *sigh*
So I go to the store and get room darkening curtains and that window cling stuff that keeps the drafts out in hopes that it would help. Same...constant...whir...in my EAR.
"BD... Maybe it's the actual thermostat?"
"those digital ones last a long time"
"but maybe something is wrong in it that doesn't cause it to shut off"
"they last a long time"
God bless my husband..only he could tolerate these conversations at 11pm as he's trying to sleep. I do sneak attack him then and discuss things... He tends to listen better... kinda.
Finally by this point I was 2 shades from ka-razy so I figured I had to just take things into my own hands.....
I went and bought a new thermostat. I figured for $20 it will either work and I can quit nagging people or it won't work and I can return it..and keep nagging people.
So at 10pm I had my sweet BD install the new one. (I don't know how to install that stuff.. I buy, I instruct..he installs... I can't afford to get electrocuted..but he, as our main bread winner, surely can) I strategically picked the day BD was doing Defense Tactics at work... He had spent the day getting kicked/arm barred/ asped/ headlocked... I knew he'd have less fight in him so chances were he would do whatever to get me to stop talking about it. hahaha ..... I kid. I kid. Kinda. He woulda done it regardless because he wuvs me (I say that because I know he's reading this.)
Sidebar: God Bless that man for putting up with me.
The 5 minute install the box said took about 30 minutes... but it was in....and wadda ya know...
IT WORKED!!! The A/C no longer whirrs constantly... It works properly..I'm off the ledge of Ka-razy town and I am highly dreading that next electric bill... uuughhhhh
And to those 4 people who told me it was "Just the AC" I will be dividing up the bill and sending you your portion!
Our A/C was running constantly. I'm talking 2-3 hours at a time and I had to go turn the degree up just so that it would stop because the constant "whirrrr" of the A/C was making my head spin. I told BD something was wrong. "Oh, the AC just isn't big enough for the house, it's really hot out" Hot, my booty. It was only 95-100 degrees during the day. Yes, hot, but not hot enough to where it should be running constantly day and night. You can't convince me of that. Four different people tried telling me it was just "too hot"
BD finally got tired of me nagging and had the landlady send an AC guy out. "AC is in perfect condition... it's just hot outside. The AC is working hard, dear sweet blond girl" (Ok, I made that part about the blond girl up) Fine. whatever.
Still the AC ran... constant.. a nagging whir in my ear that made me want to poke my eye balls out.
"Hon..something is wrong..it's 10pm and 75 degrees outside and the AC is still going"
"It's fine... It's just not big enough for the house"
"I think something else is wrong"
"it's fine" says the big man of the house.... *sigh*
So I go to the store and get room darkening curtains and that window cling stuff that keeps the drafts out in hopes that it would help. Same...constant...whir...in my EAR.
"BD... Maybe it's the actual thermostat?"
"those digital ones last a long time"
"but maybe something is wrong in it that doesn't cause it to shut off"
"they last a long time"
God bless my husband..only he could tolerate these conversations at 11pm as he's trying to sleep. I do sneak attack him then and discuss things... He tends to listen better... kinda.
Finally by this point I was 2 shades from ka-razy so I figured I had to just take things into my own hands.....
I went and bought a new thermostat. I figured for $20 it will either work and I can quit nagging people or it won't work and I can return it..and keep nagging people.
So at 10pm I had my sweet BD install the new one. (I don't know how to install that stuff.. I buy, I instruct..he installs... I can't afford to get electrocuted..but he, as our main bread winner, surely can) I strategically picked the day BD was doing Defense Tactics at work... He had spent the day getting kicked/arm barred/ asped/ headlocked... I knew he'd have less fight in him so chances were he would do whatever to get me to stop talking about it. hahaha ..... I kid. I kid. Kinda. He woulda done it regardless because he wuvs me (I say that because I know he's reading this.)
Sidebar: God Bless that man for putting up with me.
The 5 minute install the box said took about 30 minutes... but it was in....and wadda ya know...
IT WORKED!!! The A/C no longer whirrs constantly... It works properly..I'm off the ledge of Ka-razy town and I am highly dreading that next electric bill... uuughhhhh
And to those 4 people who told me it was "Just the AC" I will be dividing up the bill and sending you your portion!
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