So after Hubs mom and my parents come save the day and we get the "stupid truck" towed to our new house, we get to the house and start unloading, which all went very well..despite a broken cookie jar and my bed being broken, but fixable. And then it started............. Within 2 hours we had two windows break. One was broken when we arrived, a basement window and another was broken while putting in the upstairs AC that the landlord couldn't do because "he didn't have a screwdriver"....... although he was able to do the 2nd AC "without" the screwdriver. We got all settled in that night, all was going well until Hubs says "the AC is going out" of course I didn't believe him because he's normally hot and he likes to whine about the air temperature of rooms so I ignored him............. until 2am when I woke up sweating. Add that into 2 little girls who wouldn't sleep beceause it was a new place and it was a very long night.
I had hoped morning would be better....But I was wrong. That morning the AC was very much dead but thankfully it was a rainy cool morning so with the windows open it wasn't bad. Then the dryer broke....... an hour later..the washer broke. In less than 24 hours we had a broken truck, 2 broken windows, broken AC, broken washer and dryer and a broken banister. I was so close to crawling in a corner and never getting up.
Then I got to looking at the overall condition of the house.. I swear to you the people who lived here before didn't own a mop or broom or have a clue what cleaning was. My wonderful in-laws came over a few days before we got here and did what cleaning they could do with no electricity but there was still SO much to do. The people before us obviously had a big white dog..I know this because of the amount of dog hair I have sucked out of the carpets. After 3 vacuumes I am still sucking up dog hair...and I have a Dyson...yah. The yard was completely trashed. Literal trash in the yard. Hubs was talking to the neighbor and he said that the people before never cleaned anything and Hubs says "yah, I can tell that! The house was filthy" Gross amounts of dirt on all the window ledges, cobwebs everywhere, dog hair on EVERY surface, dirt everywhere, the floors were covered in dirt, someone had been using the toilet while there was no water on so therefore couldn't be flushed..UGH! (ya, I couldn't even make this stuff up) Welcome home, Heres a toilet full of............................ lovely. We would move a curtain and dog hair would just fall down from it. Honestly, it is the dirtiest house I have ever seen. I don't keep a spotless house but I vacuume daily, I keep dust off of surfaces, I wipe down the counters, stove, fridge daily. So along with the normal unpacking, move in suff, I have also had to deep clean an 1800 sq ft house. I am still getting rid of cobwebs.
There will be massive issues if we don't get the deposit back.
And then we couldn't get a copy of the lease. Phone calls, emails, texts..no response. We finally got ahold of them and it was 'in their car' and they would bring it by. So a couple days later they do.... and admit they lost the lease and we needed to sign another........ niiice.
As I'm typing this I have a sinking feeling that I will need all this info at a later date.. say, when I move out.
Our transition to civilian life hasn't been the easiest. It seems no matter where we turn we get hit with another crap-pie in the face. It's been one issue after another for the past 2 months. I don't understand why, maybe I never will understand but I'm trying to hold on and be positive.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Beginning of our Civilan life
Well, we are Civilians.. it was a rocky road to get here but here we are. Things were crazy up until... ok, well, they still are crazy.
It started with the whole "oh sorry, transportation can't fit you in so you'll have to do a full DITY move" So I was packing the whole house with 3 kids amongst appointments, therapies, errands, last minute moving things and everything else that comes with being a mom to 3 kids under 5. Somehow I got the house packed..kinda. Then Hubs couldn't get his paperwork signed so he could clear post, they lost another set of papers, nobody wanted to make the Col mad and interrupt him to have him sign the papers so they just wouldn't do it... stuff like that. We finally got everything signed and ready to go so he could start clearing post, 2 days before we were supposed to leave. We also had "stupid truck" issues. We bought a truck from one of Hubs friends a couple months ago, 1500 Chevy, noisy thing.. "peerrrfect shape, just looks ugly" SO we bought it and since have spent $600 on it... and about to spend $300 more at this very moment (but thats another story) So 2 days before we leave "stupid truck" dies... So we get it into the shop and "Mario" tells us it'll be done in a day and "thats the last problem you'll ever have with this truck..I fix it for good" yaaaaaahhhhh
Two days before we leave we start loading up... Some of Hubs soldiers came over and helped us and everything went great. We stayed one last night in our apartment and planned to spend Saturday cleaning and loading up our storage unit. Ya, didn't quite happen like that. For some reason we ran -really- behind on Saturday. We had to have our keys turned in by 2pm.. At 1:45 I was cleaning like a crazy woman while Hubs was STILL loading the truck.. I'm not sure how we still had that much stuff sitting around but that's what happened...maybe because I was packing a whole house by myself with 3 kids..perhaps. I was literally throwing things onto our breezeway for Hubs to load as I was cleaning just so that we could get the keys in by 2pm. During all of this the girls were wailing at the injust life that they have, missing shoes, not a good enough lunch and whatnot. Ya, I get that their whole world was changing but..holy crap..I almost left them in El Paso. So I was cleaning like a crazy woman with 2 girls wailing, fighting and screaming in my ear. We finally left around 2:30 and went directly to pick up "stupid truck" and go to our Hote in El Paso so that Hubs could sign out early Sunday morning and we could leave. I drove "stupid truck" to our hotel and got laughed at by Mexicans because I couldn't park the thing... *!@$$##$#*
We planned to drive 9 hours on Sunday then 3 1/2 hours on Monday. Our 9 hour drive on Sunday turned into 14 hours. Lil man apparently hates traveling so he spent 9 of those 14 hours crying... I, in turn, spent those same 9 hours with my arm wrenched around back patting his head, trying to keep him semi calm... I now need shoulder surgery. It was such a long day.. We didn't stop for lunch.. We didn't stop for anything but to feed little man. Bringing food along was the best thing I ever decided to do because the girls snacked on that stuff all day and didn't whine about food. Had we stopped for food we never would have made it.
We made it to our hotel at 8pm, I ate a little bit of Mcdonalds and then we crashed............
The next morning we wake up at 5 and realize we never got the truck weighed, while full, *CRAPPP* so we can get reimbursed for the move.... We also found out that there were NO weight scales on our route that day. So hubs got ready and drove back 45 mins to the last weight scale, weighed the truck and then drove 45mins to us. By that time I had the girls all ready to go and we left. The second day wasn't as bad just lots of 50mph and road construction. In case you are wondering, the route from El Paso to Kansas is the more baren, annoying, obnoxious route EVER!
We make it into the city limits and our "fun" didn't stop. "Stupid truck" wouldn't accelerate...and "stupid truck" died...on the highway. So there I was with a cranky baby, a Penske truck ahead of me, sitting in a dead truck 3 exits from our house. 3...freaking..exits. Although I am thankful that it died that close,Hubs mom was close as were my parents and both came to save the day. But really........... truck makes it from El Paso to the city limits and then dies? It couldn't wait like 5 more minutes and save me a $75 towing fee.
"Stupid truck" is still dead... and "stupid truck" is actually on its way to the shop now.. @#$#*&*##&$# I hate that stupid truck!
And then we got to................... The house............ da da duuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Stay tuned for that ongoing saga tomorrow........... :-)
It started with the whole "oh sorry, transportation can't fit you in so you'll have to do a full DITY move" So I was packing the whole house with 3 kids amongst appointments, therapies, errands, last minute moving things and everything else that comes with being a mom to 3 kids under 5. Somehow I got the house packed..kinda. Then Hubs couldn't get his paperwork signed so he could clear post, they lost another set of papers, nobody wanted to make the Col mad and interrupt him to have him sign the papers so they just wouldn't do it... stuff like that. We finally got everything signed and ready to go so he could start clearing post, 2 days before we were supposed to leave. We also had "stupid truck" issues. We bought a truck from one of Hubs friends a couple months ago, 1500 Chevy, noisy thing.. "peerrrfect shape, just looks ugly" SO we bought it and since have spent $600 on it... and about to spend $300 more at this very moment (but thats another story) So 2 days before we leave "stupid truck" dies... So we get it into the shop and "Mario" tells us it'll be done in a day and "thats the last problem you'll ever have with this truck..I fix it for good" yaaaaaahhhhh
Two days before we leave we start loading up... Some of Hubs soldiers came over and helped us and everything went great. We stayed one last night in our apartment and planned to spend Saturday cleaning and loading up our storage unit. Ya, didn't quite happen like that. For some reason we ran -really- behind on Saturday. We had to have our keys turned in by 2pm.. At 1:45 I was cleaning like a crazy woman while Hubs was STILL loading the truck.. I'm not sure how we still had that much stuff sitting around but that's what happened...maybe because I was packing a whole house by myself with 3 kids..perhaps. I was literally throwing things onto our breezeway for Hubs to load as I was cleaning just so that we could get the keys in by 2pm. During all of this the girls were wailing at the injust life that they have, missing shoes, not a good enough lunch and whatnot. Ya, I get that their whole world was changing but..holy crap..I almost left them in El Paso. So I was cleaning like a crazy woman with 2 girls wailing, fighting and screaming in my ear. We finally left around 2:30 and went directly to pick up "stupid truck" and go to our Hote in El Paso so that Hubs could sign out early Sunday morning and we could leave. I drove "stupid truck" to our hotel and got laughed at by Mexicans because I couldn't park the thing... *!@$$##$#*
We planned to drive 9 hours on Sunday then 3 1/2 hours on Monday. Our 9 hour drive on Sunday turned into 14 hours. Lil man apparently hates traveling so he spent 9 of those 14 hours crying... I, in turn, spent those same 9 hours with my arm wrenched around back patting his head, trying to keep him semi calm... I now need shoulder surgery. It was such a long day.. We didn't stop for lunch.. We didn't stop for anything but to feed little man. Bringing food along was the best thing I ever decided to do because the girls snacked on that stuff all day and didn't whine about food. Had we stopped for food we never would have made it.
We made it to our hotel at 8pm, I ate a little bit of Mcdonalds and then we crashed............
The next morning we wake up at 5 and realize we never got the truck weighed, while full, *CRAPPP* so we can get reimbursed for the move.... We also found out that there were NO weight scales on our route that day. So hubs got ready and drove back 45 mins to the last weight scale, weighed the truck and then drove 45mins to us. By that time I had the girls all ready to go and we left. The second day wasn't as bad just lots of 50mph and road construction. In case you are wondering, the route from El Paso to Kansas is the more baren, annoying, obnoxious route EVER!
We make it into the city limits and our "fun" didn't stop. "Stupid truck" wouldn't accelerate...and "stupid truck" died...on the highway. So there I was with a cranky baby, a Penske truck ahead of me, sitting in a dead truck 3 exits from our house. 3...freaking..exits. Although I am thankful that it died that close,Hubs mom was close as were my parents and both came to save the day. But really........... truck makes it from El Paso to the city limits and then dies? It couldn't wait like 5 more minutes and save me a $75 towing fee.
"Stupid truck" is still dead... and "stupid truck" is actually on its way to the shop now.. @#$#*&*##&$# I hate that stupid truck!
And then we got to................... The house............ da da duuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Stay tuned for that ongoing saga tomorrow........... :-)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Don't Change Him
Lately, I've been struggling with Wesley's upcoming surgery. I don't want him to have it..and not for the reason you may think..because I'm scared. Part of me is, yes, any mother would be. The reason... He's perfect to me and I don't want to change him. Is that bizarre? I don't want to change who he is. I don't want to change his lip. I look at him and I don't see "cleft lip" as I first did when he was born. I see "Wesley" I see his spirit. His huge, amazing grin. I don't want to change him. I see my beautiful, amazing son. Medically, I know it has to be done for his quality of life, I know this and I agree with it. It's best for HIM to have it done. But me, I don't want to change him.
It makes me sad to admit this but there was a time after he was born that I could barely look at him without crying. I hurt for him so bad. I cried and cried. Days, weeks.. I cried nearly every time I saw him. I spent the time he was in the hospital crying. I'd pretend to be napping and I'd cry. Not because I was ashamed but because I just hated it. I dealt with so much guilt. I was mad at myself. I felt I messed up. I felt that it wasn't fair. I felt I failed my husband. I finally gave him a son and look, I ruined it!!! It took many talks, many tears but I finally realized that wasn't how my husband felt at all. He never ever felt jipped, he never felt let down. I love that man! He's such a strong, amazing father!!
Right after he was born I was so shell shocked. So saddened. I was grieving, grieving the son I thought I'd have. It was like the son I thought I was going to have died the moment I gave birth. I've never admitted that to anyone but my husband but after reading a couple books about similiar situations that other people have had I realized I'm not alone in how I felt. How I felt was totally normal when you are handed such a shock. I actually had people ask me "well why didn't you let us know when he was born!!!" and were upset with me. During that time I was dealing with so much I could barely eat.
And now I don't want to change him. He's amazing. I love how he stops crying when I sing to him. I love how every morning when I unwrap him he smiles at me. I love watching his sisters play with him and how they totally accept him. I love how, at times, I'm the only one who can get him to stop crying.
I hate it when I think about the pain he'll have to endure throughout his life but I love the ride I've been given.
It makes me sad to admit this but there was a time after he was born that I could barely look at him without crying. I hurt for him so bad. I cried and cried. Days, weeks.. I cried nearly every time I saw him. I spent the time he was in the hospital crying. I'd pretend to be napping and I'd cry. Not because I was ashamed but because I just hated it. I dealt with so much guilt. I was mad at myself. I felt I messed up. I felt that it wasn't fair. I felt I failed my husband. I finally gave him a son and look, I ruined it!!! It took many talks, many tears but I finally realized that wasn't how my husband felt at all. He never ever felt jipped, he never felt let down. I love that man! He's such a strong, amazing father!!
Right after he was born I was so shell shocked. So saddened. I was grieving, grieving the son I thought I'd have. It was like the son I thought I was going to have died the moment I gave birth. I've never admitted that to anyone but my husband but after reading a couple books about similiar situations that other people have had I realized I'm not alone in how I felt. How I felt was totally normal when you are handed such a shock. I actually had people ask me "well why didn't you let us know when he was born!!!" and were upset with me. During that time I was dealing with so much I could barely eat.
And now I don't want to change him. He's amazing. I love how he stops crying when I sing to him. I love how every morning when I unwrap him he smiles at me. I love watching his sisters play with him and how they totally accept him. I love how, at times, I'm the only one who can get him to stop crying.
I hate it when I think about the pain he'll have to endure throughout his life but I love the ride I've been given.
Monday, July 9, 2012
New Girl In School
In just over 3 weeks we will start Terminal leave. Our active Military life will be done. I am nowhere near ready. My house is still in full functional order, I haven't made to do lists..which is a must, I haven't started deep cleaning the apartment, I really *ought* to buy big girls birthday presents and school supplies while we are here because once we move she starts school the next week and in that week we'll have an appointment or two for little guy plus unpacking and job hunting, and registering for school, so it'd be much easier if I'd just do all that now. I have nothing packed. I have no trailers reserved. I don't even have a place to call home once we get there. I have nothing done. Here's the funny thing, I don't care to either because I know that even if I don't start for a week and a half, I'll still get it all done because it's what I do. I'm Hooah.
Im in denial. I don't think it'll actually happen. I'm gonna miss this life. I'm going to miss my "sisters", I'm going to miss seeing hubs in ACU's, I'm going to miss watching homecomings. I'm going to miss my SISTERS! (yes, I said it twice) I don't even know if I will fit in with other wives..I've never been a Civilian wife. Which sounds crazy for me to say, I sound like a crazy person because there's no difference between Civilian wives and Military wives..is there? I'm starting to feel like a fish out of water. My life is completely changing. Will I be accepted in this crazy civilan life? I'm no nonsense, independent to a fault, say what I think...that's me. I don't whine when my husband leaves for 2 weeks. I don't weep if he has to work nights. I've unpacked a house in a day being 2 months pregnant and throwing up. I've hosted a BBQ a week after I had a baby, who spent a total of 5 days in the hospital. I've thrown together a huge FRG Christmas party with just the help of one other person in the span of a week...during the holidays..in which I was hosting Christmas at my house. Will I be accepted? I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I don't stand for stupid.
I'm not taking down my Army Wife pictures and plaques.. I don't have to, do I? I'll still be an Army wife to the core..right?
I guess the point in all this incoherant rambling is that I'm scared. Really scared. I'm excited yet scared. I'm excited to not have to deal with the politics, I'm excited to not have to deal with deployments, I'm excited to go back to Kansas..I want to learn to Can.. because that's whatcha do, so I wanna do that so I can fit in...I want to grow a garden..Ok, nevermind, I don't.
I feel like the new girl in school.
Im in denial. I don't think it'll actually happen. I'm gonna miss this life. I'm going to miss my "sisters", I'm going to miss seeing hubs in ACU's, I'm going to miss watching homecomings. I'm going to miss my SISTERS! (yes, I said it twice) I don't even know if I will fit in with other wives..I've never been a Civilian wife. Which sounds crazy for me to say, I sound like a crazy person because there's no difference between Civilian wives and Military wives..is there? I'm starting to feel like a fish out of water. My life is completely changing. Will I be accepted in this crazy civilan life? I'm no nonsense, independent to a fault, say what I think...that's me. I don't whine when my husband leaves for 2 weeks. I don't weep if he has to work nights. I've unpacked a house in a day being 2 months pregnant and throwing up. I've hosted a BBQ a week after I had a baby, who spent a total of 5 days in the hospital. I've thrown together a huge FRG Christmas party with just the help of one other person in the span of a week...during the holidays..in which I was hosting Christmas at my house. Will I be accepted? I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I don't stand for stupid.
I'm not taking down my Army Wife pictures and plaques.. I don't have to, do I? I'll still be an Army wife to the core..right?
I guess the point in all this incoherant rambling is that I'm scared. Really scared. I'm excited yet scared. I'm excited to not have to deal with the politics, I'm excited to not have to deal with deployments, I'm excited to go back to Kansas..I want to learn to Can.. because that's whatcha do, so I wanna do that so I can fit in...I want to grow a garden..Ok, nevermind, I don't.
I feel like the new girl in school.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
They Were Wrong
They said you'd have trouble eating...
They said you'd need a feeding tube.
They thought you has Sepsis or meningitis .....
They didn't think you'd make the 10 pound weight minimum for surgery at 3 months..you're already there!
They said you'd need intensive therapies...so far you've surpassed the therapists goals.
They said you'd aspirate your formula through your nose until both your lip and palate were fixed... I haven't had to suction your nose in at least a month. You don't aspirate anymore. They were wrong.
They've been wrong about you thus far. Everything they say you can't do, you prove them wrong.
They say you'll need false teeth, bone grafts and many cosmetic surgeries. They say the palate surgery is very hard to recover from..with lots of pain and no eating and sleeplessness. They say you won't talk for a long time and when you do it will take a long time for you to get it. They say you'll need intensive speech therapy.
I assume you'll prove them wrong too. My strong little man...what an inspiration you are. You've changed me for the better. You're a fighter. When I feel that I don't have the strenght to go on, one look into your smiling face gives me strength.
They said you'd need a feeding tube.
They thought you has Sepsis or meningitis .....
They didn't think you'd make the 10 pound weight minimum for surgery at 3 months..you're already there!
They said you'd need intensive therapies...so far you've surpassed the therapists goals.
They said you'd aspirate your formula through your nose until both your lip and palate were fixed... I haven't had to suction your nose in at least a month. You don't aspirate anymore. They were wrong.
They've been wrong about you thus far. Everything they say you can't do, you prove them wrong.
They say you'll need false teeth, bone grafts and many cosmetic surgeries. They say the palate surgery is very hard to recover from..with lots of pain and no eating and sleeplessness. They say you won't talk for a long time and when you do it will take a long time for you to get it. They say you'll need intensive speech therapy.
I assume you'll prove them wrong too. My strong little man...what an inspiration you are. You've changed me for the better. You're a fighter. When I feel that I don't have the strenght to go on, one look into your smiling face gives me strength.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Tuesday's 10
Ten Things I Will Miss About Military Life
1. Washing and folding ACU's and other Army uniforms. I spent my honeymoon starching and ironing BDU's back in the day. Fond memories.
2. I will now have to use the phrase Mr and Mrs. instead of Spc. and Mrs, or Col. and Mrs.
3. Refering to people by their first names instead of "Jones" or "Smith"
4. Not having to fold and match those dreaded green socks. It takes more brain power than a game of Jenga.
5. I'll miss seeing hubs in formation after work. I love formations.
6. Deployments suck. No question about it. But those homecomings are amazing. I will miss those.
7. I'm going to miss my "sisters" I know so many amazing women. Women that know completely what I am feeling at times. Women who have grown to become sisters, mentors, family.
8. I'm going to miss the pride I feel seeing my husband in uniform.
9. Health care.
10. I'm going to miss having someone else move me. Free of charge.
1. Washing and folding ACU's and other Army uniforms. I spent my honeymoon starching and ironing BDU's back in the day. Fond memories.
2. I will now have to use the phrase Mr and Mrs. instead of Spc. and Mrs, or Col. and Mrs.
3. Refering to people by their first names instead of "Jones" or "Smith"
4. Not having to fold and match those dreaded green socks. It takes more brain power than a game of Jenga.
5. I'll miss seeing hubs in formation after work. I love formations.
6. Deployments suck. No question about it. But those homecomings are amazing. I will miss those.
7. I'm going to miss my "sisters" I know so many amazing women. Women that know completely what I am feeling at times. Women who have grown to become sisters, mentors, family.
8. I'm going to miss the pride I feel seeing my husband in uniform.
9. Health care.
10. I'm going to miss having someone else move me. Free of charge.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
My Poor Neglected Blog
My poor blog has been neglected. I just don't have the time most days to stay on top of it right now..which is saying a lot.
We are settling into a routine..kind of. There are good days and bad days. Therapies, Dr visits, and normal everyday mommy stuff keeps me busy. Most days I am running from kid to kid all day. Especially since it's summer now and I have all 3 kids home all day.
Wes is finally on a formula that I think will work. Now that he is doing better on that I have to start the process of doctor visits to update them and then get them to give me a RX so that I can get WIC to get us the formula and to change it in their system, once again. They are being less than helpful in regards to his formula but we have to have it at this point to pay for his formula. It's mahal (as my mother-in-law would say) But the soy seems to help him a great deal.
I'm doing okay. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. It's all very overwhelming at times. ETSing, moving, setting up life in another state without the Army behind us, job hunting, plus Wesley. Hubs and I are on the phone with insurance or doctors nearly everyday. No exaggeration. Sometimes I tend to lose it. The tears flow and I can't stop. Most days I am okay but some days it's too much. I realized yesterday that I am going through the "stages of grief" In a way I am grieving what I thought "was" the whole time I was pregnant. What I thought "would be" is not. I don't regret my son. Never in a million years. He is my light. I am SO SO in love with him. I wouldn't trade him for the world.
I'm angry right now. I'm angry it happened, I'm angry that I have to fight every step of the way, I'm angry that in his young life he will have surgeries. I'm angry that Doctors and other medical professionals don't take me seriously sometimes because I'm "young". I'm angry that all the pediatricians I have encountered don't want to answer my questions because of his cleft, they want to just refer us out to a "specialist" for every.little.thing, which delays what I need by weeks and I'm left to figure it out on my own.
My thoughts are very much on surgery. Reading up on after care tips and tricks, getting autorizations figured out, Setting up consults in Kansas. A lot of it feels very "One step forward, two steps back" Right now we are scheduled for a consult at the KU Medical Center in August. Hopefully surgery will follow soon after and won't be delayed too long.
This too shall pass. We are strong. We will win this. My baby is a fighter. We will rise to the top.
Without further rambling I thought I would share some photos..enjoy!
We are settling into a routine..kind of. There are good days and bad days. Therapies, Dr visits, and normal everyday mommy stuff keeps me busy. Most days I am running from kid to kid all day. Especially since it's summer now and I have all 3 kids home all day.
Wes is finally on a formula that I think will work. Now that he is doing better on that I have to start the process of doctor visits to update them and then get them to give me a RX so that I can get WIC to get us the formula and to change it in their system, once again. They are being less than helpful in regards to his formula but we have to have it at this point to pay for his formula. It's mahal (as my mother-in-law would say) But the soy seems to help him a great deal.
I'm doing okay. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. It's all very overwhelming at times. ETSing, moving, setting up life in another state without the Army behind us, job hunting, plus Wesley. Hubs and I are on the phone with insurance or doctors nearly everyday. No exaggeration. Sometimes I tend to lose it. The tears flow and I can't stop. Most days I am okay but some days it's too much. I realized yesterday that I am going through the "stages of grief" In a way I am grieving what I thought "was" the whole time I was pregnant. What I thought "would be" is not. I don't regret my son. Never in a million years. He is my light. I am SO SO in love with him. I wouldn't trade him for the world.
I'm angry right now. I'm angry it happened, I'm angry that I have to fight every step of the way, I'm angry that in his young life he will have surgeries. I'm angry that Doctors and other medical professionals don't take me seriously sometimes because I'm "young". I'm angry that all the pediatricians I have encountered don't want to answer my questions because of his cleft, they want to just refer us out to a "specialist" for every.little.thing, which delays what I need by weeks and I'm left to figure it out on my own.
My thoughts are very much on surgery. Reading up on after care tips and tricks, getting autorizations figured out, Setting up consults in Kansas. A lot of it feels very "One step forward, two steps back" Right now we are scheduled for a consult at the KU Medical Center in August. Hopefully surgery will follow soon after and won't be delayed too long.
This too shall pass. We are strong. We will win this. My baby is a fighter. We will rise to the top.
Without further rambling I thought I would share some photos..enjoy!
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